Professor Jokes

What happens when you offend a professor of various human aspects?

You owe them an anthrapology

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What do you call it when Professor X does a wheelie?

Professor +

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

What do you call Professor X doing a wheelie?

Professor + I'm sorry..

What happens when a professor teaches for a decade?

He gets Tenyear.

What is the chance we are alone in the universe?

Professor: Astronomical.

Why do professors like stats and physics students?

Because they'll work for p naughts.

Why didn't the engineering student have a good relationship with his professor?

There were too many truss problems.

Why was the professor cross-eyed?

Because he couldn't control his pupils!

Who is your favourite philosopher?

PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher

When did you first miss it dear?

Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

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What did people call the Nutty Professor before he became a professor?

Mr. Peanut

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What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome?

Start shouting Jehovah.

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What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?

It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

What happens when Vladimir Putin stands up too fast?

Head Russian...

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Why is that whenever we talk about Pokémon, we sing the theme song?

Because I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.

What is a Pokemon's favourite place to go in France?

Paras

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.

What do you get when you combine a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Nothing! You can't cross scalars and vectors.

Scaler Jokes More Scaler Jokes

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing you can't cross a vector with a scaler.

What do you get when you cross a rock climber with a tsetse fly?

Nothing. You can't cross a scaler and a vector.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

Where do you want to be buried?

Me: You mean after I die, right

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What is a bed's least favourite time of year?

Spring break.

Where do bros go for spring break?

Gainzville.

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What's the best part of dating 29 year olds?

There's 20 of them. (More funny out loud)

How to tell the difference between a bad, a good and an excellent accountant?

When you ask them "2+2 is?":