Publish Jokes

Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published?

It was a work of friction.

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What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

Why did the pig send his story to New York?

He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.

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Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it

How many recruits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to change the lightbulb and four road guards.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do vegetarian zombies want?

Graaaaiiiiinss!

Why does my van have windows?

I want to make my victims feel like they have a chance.

Friction Jokes More Friction Jokes

Why couldn't Mewtwo move?

There was too much friction.

Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published?

It was a work of friction.

200 Jokes More 200 Jokes

What has 200 legs 50 noses and is very loud?

A herd of stampeding aardvarks!

What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$?

Yeah.

New York Jokes More New York Jokes

What's an Islamic extremist's favorite baseball team?

The New York Jets

Whats the difference between New York and Middle Earth?

Two towers.

Publisher Jokes More Publisher Jokes

What did the author tell his publisher when he handed him a 600 pages instead of the 200 the publisher had asked for?

Sorry, I overwrote your order.

How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?

Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.