Selfie Jokes

What do you call a theme park where people go to have selfies with chickens?

Pout-ry farm..

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Why is the iPhone 6 the coolest smart phone around?

Carry it around in your pocket for a while and it'll be on every selfie you take.

What's it called when an isis member takes a selfie?

Photo bombing

Why don't Buddhists have Instagram?

They don't believe in the concept of a selfie.

What does cheese say to itself when taking a selfie in the mirror?

Hallooooo me!

What do you call something that you do to your self with one hand?

A Selfie!

Where are the humans?

We left them" AL: Why "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"

What do you call a fish that takes a selfie?

Selfish

Why do you look surprised in all your selfies?

Didn't you know you were taking the picture

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Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

What did one ghost say to another ghost?

Do you believe in people

Why are Mumford &amp Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?

Looks like we got a tail.

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Selfie Stick Jokes More Selfie Stick Jokes

How much for the selfie stick?

Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it.

Peter Parker Jokes More Peter Parker Jokes

Why did Peter Parker get fired?

He spent all day on the web.

What do you call a Spider-Man that is a valet?

A Peter Parker

Buddhist Jokes More Buddhist Jokes

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine?

Because doing so would be incense-itive!

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?

A wet one.

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

When do you use duct tape on a duck?

When he's quacked.

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What are your intentions with our daughter?

Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me

What did the busy tailor say to the Scarecrow who needed some mending?

I can't find the twine.