Shelf Jokes

What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror?

I can see my shelf

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home?

The shadow of his former shelf.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Where did the spoiled milk sit?

On the top shelf. Where did the chocolate milk sit In the back.

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Ebenezer Scrooge Jokes More Ebenezer Scrooge Jokes

How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls?

Collect!

What does Ebenezer Scrooge serve at his Christmas Party?

Humburgers!

Blame Jokes More Blame Jokes

What did one earthquake say to the other?

I don't know what you're blaming me for, it's your fault!

Who knows... Maybe Japan hacked Sony?

Yeah... Lets blame Sony.

Alcohol Jokes More Alcohol Jokes

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol?

La chaim-lich maneuver.

Reach Jokes More Reach Jokes

What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

Spoil Milk Jokes More Spoil Milk Jokes

What do you get from pampering your cow?

Spoiled milk.

What do you get from an overly pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

What gun does Jesus hate the most?

The nail gun. So sorry if this offends you Credit to the podcast

What Do You Call Giving a Dutch Guy a Gun?

Armin Van Buren.

Clam Jokes More Clam Jokes

Why didn't the clam share his ipod?

He was shellfish.

What does a clam do on his birthday?

He shellabrates!

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?

He had a bee in his suit of armour!

What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

Babe, it's a valve!