Witness Jokes

Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween?

Because they don't like random people knocking on their doors

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Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

What does a War Boy from Mad Max say when he goes to court to sign an affidavit?

WITNESS ME!

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.

Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?

Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.

What happens when you witness a shipwreck?

You let it sink in.

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Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

Why don't atheists use exponents?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

Biscuit Jokes More Biscuit Jokes

How does Bob Marley like his biscuits?

Wit jam in?

Why did the biscuit cry?

His mum had been a wafer too long.

Mafia Jokes More Mafia Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

One of them is organized.

Northern Girl Jokes More Northern Girl Jokes

Which is more promiscuous, a Northern girl or a Southern girl?

A Northern girl says "You can" but a Southern girl says "Y'all can"!

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What did I tell you about telling the truth?

5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.

How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him. Just one but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What's life like in the year 3000?

It's pretty much the same as 2015 but you can download a towel

What was Philip Seymour Hoffman's favorite album this year?

Pure Heroine by Lorde.

Breed Jokes More Breed Jokes

What do you get if you breed a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?

A visit from the university board of ethics.

Knock Knock Joke Jokes More Knock Knock Joke Jokes

Why aren't there any 'Knock, Knock' jokes about America?

Cuz freedom rings, baby!

What does Walter White say when someone tells him a knock-knock joke?

Nothing, because he is the one who knocks.