Atheist Jokes

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?

They don't believe in higher power.

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Why don't atheists use exponents?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What do you call an atheist who no longer worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

A-pasta-ate.

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They don't believe in a higher power.

Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers

Why Can't Atheists Solve Exponential Equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief.

Why did the atheist fail algebra?

He didn't believe in higher powers!

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How does an atheist start their prayers?

To Whom It May Concern

What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence?

An atheist. He doesn't really believe in himself.

Why does God love atheists?

Because they don't bother Him with incessant prayer.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

Why can't atheist solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What do you get if you breed a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?

They don't believe in higher powers.

Why can't atheists solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

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Fly Spaghetti Monster Jokes More Fly Spaghetti Monster Jokes

Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster made of Pasta?

Because "made of bread" was already taken by Jesus.

What do you call an atheist who no longer worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

A-pasta-ate.

Hypocrite Jokes More Hypocrite Jokes

What do you call an equation with no solution?

A hypocrite.

How do you tell a hypocrite from a normal person?

The hypocrite's the one that exists.

Christian Jokes More Christian Jokes

What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

You get a Christian Bale

What is it called when Batman wants to leave Church early?

Christian Bale.

Orphanage Jokes More Orphanage Jokes

What's the difference between an Isis camp and an orphanage?

I don't know, I just fly the drone

Why did the Boeing 747 crash into an orphanage?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

High Power Jokes More High Power Jokes

Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers

Why can't atheists solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What do you call it when you have enough money to but a truck from 4 different people who used to cross small bodies of water?

You can afford four fjord forders' fords.

What does a successful CS:GO bettor spend the money on?

Vacation.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant?

Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.

What's the difference between a black man and a white man in the US?

A white man makes it to prison.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What's the most intense part of your work out?

Me: Getting into my sports bra.

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.