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Atheist Jokes

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?

They don't believe in higher power.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why don't atheists use exponents?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call an atheist who no longer worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

A-pasta-ate.

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian?

An argument

What did the atheist say when he saw Jesus?

I can't believe this. What did he tell his atheist friend? You won't believe this.

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They don't believe in a higher power.

Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers

Why Can't Atheists Solve Exponential Equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What is so ironic about Atheists?

They're always talking about God.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

Love

Love

What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist?

Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door.

What does the atheist say when he arrives at the Pearly Gates?

I'll be goddamned.

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who shows up to your door for no reason.

What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief.

What's the best name for an atheist?

Godfrey

Why did the atheist fail algebra?

He didn't believe in higher powers!

How does an atheist start their prayers?

To Whom It May Concern

What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence?

An atheist. He doesn't really believe in himself.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Why did the atheist go to church?

To use the Pokestop.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why does God love atheists?

Because they don't bother Him with incessant prayer.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason.

Why can't atheist solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What do you get if you breed a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief

How can you tell someone's an atheist?

You can't. They'll always tell you first.

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?

They don't believe in higher powers.

Why can't atheists solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

Love Card

Love Card

Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

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What do you call it when a person acts holy for a night then sins every day after?

A one night stand with Jesus

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Spam.

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What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

What goes: Click. "Did I get it?

Click. "Did I get it " Stevie Wonder solving a Rubik's Cube.

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Why did the Boeing 747 crash into an orphanage?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

Why did I leave my grades at the orphanage?

I couldn't raise them

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How can you open a banana?

With a monkey!

How many men from the US swim team does it take to open a door?

Just one if its lochte'd

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What's it called when Batman walks out of church?

Christian Bale Hah

What was the Christian plastic surgeons specialty?

Faith lifts

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Which one do you let in?

The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

How do you know when your dog is a bad hot dog?

When it's pure bread.