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How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's Day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How to scare parents?

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden?

All the trees have square roots.

How do you know whether or not a redditor is Australian?

They'll tell you.

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did one socket say to the other?

Stay grounded.

What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside?

An un-in.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

How did the Irishman get arthritis?

By craic-ing his knuckles.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

St. Patrick Jokes More St. Patrick Jokes

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

St Patrick Day Jokes More St Patrick Day Jokes

What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day?

St. Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's Day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Tab Jokes More Tab Jokes

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's Day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Who picks up the tab?

The German.