Admit Jokes

What do you call it when you admit to being a prisoner?

A con-fession.

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What does a pediatrist do when you ask them which body part they find most interesting?

They admit de feet.

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?

They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

What do you call it when someone admits to caring about how they dress?

A confashion.

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Convict Jokes More Convict Jokes

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

Why hasn't Bigfoot ever gone to prison?

Because he has only been convicted mythdemeanors.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

And whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?

She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

Bad Jokes More Bad Jokes

What's the worst part of running into your ex?

You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.

What's the worst part of giving a magician a ride home?

When you get there, you turn into the driveway. Ba-dum-bum! Don't forget to tip your waitress!

Eighteen Jokes More Eighteen Jokes

What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball?

The Philadelphia Beagles!

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?

They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why are all the archaeologists single?

Because they cant find dates

Where are most fish found?

Between the head and the tail!

Fault Jokes More Fault Jokes

What did San Andreas said to the Earthquake?

This is all your fault!

What did the Earth say to the Earthquake?

Sorry...that was my fault.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the restroom?

Because they're extinct

How did the townsfolk find out the pigeons were plotting a revolution?

They heard them in the town square saying, "Coup, coup!"

Light Sentence Jokes More Light Sentence Jokes

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why did the agnostic receive a lighter sentence?

He had no prior convictions.