Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

She couldn't find the 10 key.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

What do you call a James Bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.

What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?

A puff-adder

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What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

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Chronic Math Debater Jokes More Chronic Math Debater Jokes

Why was the Mathematician frowned upon?

He was a chronic math-debater

What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

What are the odds I could find the sum of numbers from 1-100?

I'd say it's fifty fifty

What should a teacher take if he's run down?

The number of the car that hit him.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

Why do mathematicians only count up to 287?

Because if they count one more it would be 2gross to continue.

Huge Mess Jokes More Huge Mess Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

How'd family dinner go?

ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.

Volume Jokes More Volume Jokes

What is the volume of pizza?

Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then * radius2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US Leader

Obi Wan Jokes More Obi Wan Jokes

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

What did Obi-wan say to Skywalker the first time he saw him as Darth Vader?

Snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an...

Lumberjack Jokes More Lumberjack Jokes

What time do Lumberjacks take their tea-break?

TREE O'clock!

What do you call a dating service for lumberjacks?

Timbr

Cigarette Jokes More Cigarette Jokes

How do you ask for a cigarette in Spain?

Tapas a snout!

What's a hipster's favorite kind of cigarette?

Yours.