Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

She couldn't find the 10 key.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

What do you call a James Bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.

What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?

A puff-adder

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What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

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Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What's a foot long, is as hard as wood, and is slippery?

A wooden slipper

What wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

What's the difference between a 100 year old and a 4 year old?

What base you're counting in.

Why does VALVE end with 2?

Because they can't count to

Sith Jokes More Sith Jokes

Why was there a dyslexic stormtrooper?

Sith happens.

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

Harry Potter Jokes More Harry Potter Jokes

Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

Because he expecto'd Petronas.

What did Hagrid say to Harry Potter after Harry had a mishap with some potions?

You're a lizard Harry!

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

How many SEC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1. And they get 3 credits for it.

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What do a redhead and a freezer have in common?

They've both got ice on the inside.

What is black and knocking on the window from the inside?

A baby in the oven.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the farmer tell the hoe?

Let's get dirty.

How do you tell a boy tree from a girl tree?

Boy trees have woodpeckers.

Global Warming Jokes More Global Warming Jokes

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

What's the difference between a computer program and global warming?

One's an algorithm, and the other's an Al Gore-ism!