Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

She couldn't find the 10 key.

What do you call a James Bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.

What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?

A puff-adder

What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

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What are you called if you are paid to be a thing?

A pro-noun!

What is the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a Chickpea?

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When can you count on a hamburger in an emergency?

When the chips are down!

How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg?

Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesn't make it a leg.

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How can you make a soup rich?

Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

The word "free"

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How did Jesus get to the other side of the street?

He used the Cross Walk.

What do French Business Men use to ice their cakes?

Franchicing

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How'd family dinner go?

ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here.

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

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How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does that clock say at 1 o'clock night?

1 AM feeling very sleepy.