Claw Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

What works in a circus walks a tightrope and has claws?

An acrocat!

What did the cat use to sharpen its claws?

Me. Ow.

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Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

When asked which is more important looks or brains?

9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.

Why was the horse all charged up?

It ate some haywire!

Semicolon Jokes More Semicolon Jokes

What is the definition of a semicolon?

Something I usually have after a long night of drinking.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

Chuck Norris Jokes More Chuck Norris Jokes

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?

Pork Chop!

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age?

"Today children we will learn our ABC's"

What did the dog say after a hard day at work?

Today sure was ruff" Read that today on my university's art wall and made me smile a bit, thought i'd share it

Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What is dark and hairy on the outside, soft and moist on the inside, starts with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it?

A coconut

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The vacuum has the dirtbag on the inside.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

Santa Clues. Credit: Curious: The Tourist's Guide

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What has four legs and goes "Oom! Oom!"?

A cow walking backwards!

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"

Pop,goes the weasel.

Sharpen Jokes More Sharpen Jokes

How does a French blacksmith sharpen his blade?

He hon(hon hon)s it.

What did the cat use to sharpen its claws?

Me. Ow.