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Grab Jokes

How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out

Love

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Love

How do you call a dog without legs?

You don't you go and grab him

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

How do I raise my kids?

Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it

How does a orphan change a light bulb?

They grab the stack of un-signed adoption papers, stand on top of them, then proceed to change the light bulb.

What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending?

He grabs a hoe.

What is a man's ultimate shame?

When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?

Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*

How does clickbait work?

Just grab this electrical cable. Then what happens WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU!!!!!

Birthday State of Mind

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Birthday State of Mind

How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.

Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing?

Because he was absolutely ribbeting!

You might also enjoy:

Constipation Jokes More Constipation Jokes

How did the Mathematician relieve his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil!

How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?

Both leave you waiting for the drop.

Lube Jokes More Lube Jokes

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on?

Cot-on-wool.

What is the difference between a baby and a Mars bar?

About 500 calories.

Pile Jokes More Pile Jokes

What's the difference between me and a pile of bricks?

The bricks will get laid.

How can you tell if your wife left you?

You get laid the same amount of times but the dishes start to pile up. Hey now!

Cigarette Jokes More Cigarette Jokes

How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?

Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

How do you ask for a cigarette in Spain?

Tapas a snout!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the dog lose the lawsuit?

It was a shih-tzu

What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur?

Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over Rhody.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

Paraplegic Jokes More Paraplegic Jokes