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Grab Jokes

How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

How do you call a dog without legs?

You don't you go and grab him

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

How do I raise my kids?

Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it

How does a orphan change a light bulb?

They grab the stack of un-signed adoption papers, stand on top of them, then proceed to change the light bulb.

What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending?

He grabs a hoe.

What is a man's ultimate shame?

When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?

Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*

How does clickbait work?

Just grab this electrical cable. Then what happens WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU!!!!!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.

Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing?

Because he was absolutely ribbeting!

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Deaf Guy Jokes More Deaf Guy Jokes

What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

Does it matter

What did the deaf guy say to the blind guy?

I can't hear you, but I can see your point

Cigarette Jokes More Cigarette Jokes

What do you call a statue of Jesus made out of cigarettes?

Holy smokes.

How did they light their cigarettes?

One man threw a cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

World Jokes More World Jokes

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them

Slow Jokes More Slow Jokes

What is the brown stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow Natives

Why don't dwarfs smoke pipe weed?

Because it slows their

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?

He wrote sheet music.

What do Dallas Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

They turn off their XBOX and go to bed!

Pencil Jokes More Pencil Jokes

What do mathematicians do when they are constipated?

They get a pencil and work it out.

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

How's your nutrition?

ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?

Lie in bed wondering "Is there really a dog?"

Revolve Jokes More Revolve Jokes

How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.