Grab Jokes

How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He grabs a pencil and tries to work it out

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How do you call a dog without legs?

You don't, you go and grab him.

How do I raise my kids?

Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it

What did the man say when he walked into a milk bar?

Can I grab some milk *Bah dum tsss*

How does clickbait work?

Just grab this electrical cable. Then what happens WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK YOU!!!!!

How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.

Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing?

Because he was absolutely ribbeting!

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Egg Jokes More Egg Jokes

What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water?

An egg in a duck.

How do I like eggs?

Ummm...in a cake!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you call a dog with no legs and metal balls?

Sparky.

What kind of papers do dogs write?

A ruff draft.

98 Jokes More 98 Jokes

How does Microsoft count to 10?

1, 2, 3, 95, 98, ME, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Where does Kylie buy her kebabs?

From Jason's Doner Van. (Sorry, I'm guessing this one's only for the Aussies and Brits)

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

What came first: the chicken or the egg?

The egg because I ate egg for breakfast and chicken for dinner.

Why did the chicken cross the road half way?

He wanted to lay it on the line!

99 Jokes More 99 Jokes

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What did JayZ say to the theoretical mathematician?

I feel sorry for you son, I got 99 problems but you got imaginary ones

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response?

I like to be prepared.

How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Whats the difference between Chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces

Why don't chickens wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.