Marijuana Jokes

What does a pencil have in common with marijuana?

If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.

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How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Where is the best place in town to buy marijuana?

High Street, of course.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do you call a guy with two marijuanas?

Double jointed.

Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

He was running on fumes.

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

What do you call money that grows on trees?

Marijuana

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What's more illegal than marijuana?

My Mexican neighbor

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you call a marijuana induced tragedy?

Blunt Trauma

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

He Shanghai.

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

What did the middle eastern man say to his marijuana enthusiast wife?

Stoner!

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

Both of them smoke the leafs

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

Moo-dicinal

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?

High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)

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Steer clear

What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken?

Roost beef!

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Sir Charge

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Where is the best place to buy chicken broth?

At the stock market

Why was the hipster so successful in the stock market?

He invested before it was cool.

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Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

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What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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What happens when Supper stars fart in public?

Lol

What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife?

He gets hammered and she gets nailed.

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How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.

What's it like to work in customer service/retail?

Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.

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Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?

In a brief case.

Where is the best place to find Eskimo Lesbians?

At the Klondike Bar.