Thyme Jokes

Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs?

He had too much thyme on his hands.

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Who ever said time cannot be bought?

I bought some thyme yesterday.

Why couldn't the man open a fish and herb shop?

Because he didn't have the thyme or the plaice.

Why was the chef mad?

He had all the money in the world, but no thyme.

What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs?

Well, this was a waste of Thyme.

Why do herb pickers have so many hobbies?

They've got a lot of thyme on their hands

Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit?

Because thyme heals all wounds.

Why is the Doctor an excellent chef?

He's a Thyme Lord

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

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A first-aid kit!

Why did the cat join the Red Cross?

Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

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You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

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What is the longest movie of all time?

8 mile

What time are you supposed to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty!

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What did the black student get on his SATs?

Barbecue sauce

What kind of ideas do blind people get?

Brailleant ones. Sauce: Am blind.

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What's the worst kind of joke?

Clickbait. Edit: Added a space which triggered someone.

How does a cow add and subtract?

With a cowculator.

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Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate

What do you call a guy that's lost his car?

Carlos

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What's the best response when someone wastes your time?

Answers below please.

Why fart and waste it?

When you can burp and taste it.

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Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit?

Because thyme heals all wounds.

What did Jesus say after he healed the blind man?

Made you look!