Compliment Jokes

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

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What's an argument in the Middle East but a compliment in the U.S.A?

You da bomb" "No, you da bomb!"

How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore?

You tell her that her smile is contagious.

How do you compliment a pickle rapper's verse?

That was dill!

Why are Bananas and Chocolate Good friends?

They compliment each other nicely.

What do white girls and web developers have in common?

Nobody ever compliments our back end

How you compliment an Italian cheese maker?

Gouda worka

What does Mrs. Pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!

How do you compliment a scarecrow?

Tell him he's outstanding in his field!

What do elephants say as a compliment?

You look elephantastic!

Whats your biggest weakness?

I'm bad at taking compliments" "Actually that's quite endearing" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*

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Why, don't you look nice!?

I said, "Thanks." "It wasn't a compliment." she added.

Why are you so happy?

Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"

What can you say to your trainer that will compliment then on your progress and also be wildly inappropriate?

You make me hard

What did the host say after her guest complimented her on her tea?

Thanks, it's my special tea.

When a girl has a ponytail... -Hey, what do you call that hairstyle?

A ponytail -Ah, it really compliments your horse face.

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual!

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Why was the binary number so happy?

Because of two's compliment!

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Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

Why was the snowman smiling?

He saw the snowblower coming

What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

Pimp Jokes More Pimp Jokes

Why'd they call the egg a pimp?

Because he got ova easy.

What's the difference between Santa and a pimp?

Santa has just 3 Ho's...

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What do pirates say when they find buried treasure?

Thanks for the gold!

Why did Tupac go to the gym?

To get a sixpac! (Thank you 7th grade me)

Field Jokes More Field Jokes

Why was Farmer Bob so good at his job?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Why are cows so famous?

Because they're out-standing in their field.

Middle East Jokes More Middle East Jokes

Where's a good place to get Italian food in the middle east?

Allah Garden.

Why are there no Wal-Marts in the middle east?

Because there are too many Targets

Banana Jokes More Banana Jokes

Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?

Because they peel.

What's yellow and smells of bananas?

Monkey vomit

Mrs. Jokes More Mrs. Jokes

Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?

So he could see her crack....

What does Mrs. Pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!

Argument Jokes More Argument Jokes

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over.