Computer Jokes

How do you make a computer your best friend?

You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What did the computer say?

Too weak.

Why did the computer get a virus?

He wasn't using protection.

What do you call a computer that is running slow?

Restarted.

When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?

The power is on and you're connected to the internet.

Why is the computer so aggressive?

It bytes

What did the computer do with his overgrown gardens...?

Mowed 'em.

Why did the man put cheese on his computer?

He wanted to feed the mouse.

Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a - computer?

A 90s woman won't accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

What do the LAPD and computers have in common?

They can both burn C.D's

Why did the computer act crazy?

It had a screw loose.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff?

Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.

What do you do if you lose all the information on your computer?

Ask the NSA for a backup.

What did the dentist say to the computer?

This won't hurt a byte

What do the LGBT community and computers have in common?

Most people over 50 are scared of them and think they are destroying the fabric of society!

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work?

Cause it had a hard drive.

Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?

He wanted to have webbed feet.

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

What part of your computer is most likely to molest your child?

The PDF file. What part of your computer is most likely to molest your child The PDF file.

How do you know if a Chinese man has robbed your house?

Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later, he's still trying to back out of your driveway.

What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer?

PC Plod.

Whats worse than Bad command or File name?

Windows update message asking you to restart your computer

What did they say about the computer at the Bunny Ranch?

It may contain viruses.

What's an environmentalist's favorite part of a computer?

The recycle bin.

What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs?

A Dell.

What happens when you turn on a computer?

You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk

What do rabbits put in their computers?

Hoppy disks!

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Why did my computer just say hello?

Oh, that's right. It's A Dell.

How did AL Gore program his computer?

With the proper al-gor-ithms

How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer?

Dos

What does Magneto do when his computer gets dirty?

He wipes the hard drive.

How do you know if a Chinaman robbed your house?

Your homework is done and your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway.

What are OJ Simpson's favorite keys on a computer?

Return Home Slash Slash Backslash Shift Shift Shift Escape

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?

Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home?

Because it had a hard drive.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Why do the Avengers keep calling Spiderman over to fix their computer?

Because they heard he's a web developer

Why are ugly guys better with computers then women?

Turning off a computer often fixes the problem.

What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller?

A computer with a lot of bites!

What do right-handed people hate most?

NSFW Having to switch hands at the computer.

This joke may have profanity.

Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?

Leeds.

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Lead Jokes More Lead Jokes

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

Pdf Jokes More Pdf Jokes

What do Jedi use to view PDF files?

Adobe-Wan Kenobi

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF file.

Screen Jokes More Screen Jokes

How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch?

The screen stays black when you check the time.

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

Accept Jokes More Accept Jokes

What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school?

Submitting a stool sample.

Why did people back in the day not accept left handed people?

Because it wasn't right. I'm sorry bye.

White Jokes More White Jokes

Why do whites call it reverse racism?

Because, only whites are racist.

What's the difference between the NBA and a pint of Guinness?

Nothing. They're both mostly black, with a little bit of white at the top.

' Jokes More ' Jokes

What's the Terminator's favourite band?

Guns 'n Roses

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What does the Michael Jackson action figure have written on the back of the box?

Not suitable for children. Colors may vary.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with... And the other carries groceries.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9 and going straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9!

What kind of stupid phone you got there?

Him: Windows phone Me: Oh takes it and lobs it out the window Yes it is