Computer Jokes

Which is the smallest profession? A mini cab driver or a micro biologist?

Neither. I have a friend who works in computers.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

How do you know if a blonde has been using your computer?

When there's white-out all over the screen

What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?

They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.

What do you get when you cross a computer with a lifeguard?

A screensaver.

How do computers measure pain?

Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)

What do you get when you have Windows and Mac OS X dual booting from the same computer?

A co-operating system.

What do you call a computer that sings?

A Dell

What do computers and reincarnation have in common?

Switching Users

What rhymes with computer?

No it doesn't...

What do computers snack on?

Micro chips

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

It had freed up one GB of space.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

How can you tell if a black man has been using your computer?

It won't be there

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?

Nothing.

Why did the blonde call an exterminator?

Her computer had a bug...

What has four legs, two humps, and is given a copy of Metal Gear Solid for their computer?

Revolver Camelot!

How are women and computers the same?

Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.

Which computer sings the best?

A Dell

What do you call a computer with an amazing singing voice?

A Dell.

What kind of computer can also sing?

A Dell.

What's the difference between a politician and a computer?

Logic

What kind of operating system do horses use?

None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why was the computer tired when he got home?

Because he had a hard drive!

Why does my computer say Hello?

Because it's a Dell.

What type of computer sings well?

Adell.

What kind of computer can't sing?

A Dell

Why was the spider inside the Computer?

He was looking for a webpage!

Why do people hit things (ex. TV, computer, etc.) when they don't work?

Well, it worked with the slaves.

What did the Amish IT guy say about the computer?

It was a bit buggy.

What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

What operating system does Varys have on his computer?

Unix

Why did little Jimmy break open his computer?

It said that it had 20 cookies in it.

What does a computer say when it encounters a skunk?

C: PU!

What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most?

A space bar.

What did one computer say to the other?

Error 404 joke not found.

How do you turn a computer into a zombie?

Send it a byte. Kind of lame but I couldn't help myself.

What do you call a computer that only plays sad songs?

Adele

What did the computer say to the virus?

ScRAM

What do blondes and computer have in common?

You never appreciate them until they go down on you. edit: computers

How do you make soup from a computer?

It's easy just throw in a couple of Boolean cubes.

What did we call IT before computers?

The Mail Room

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

How can you tell that a black person used your computer?

It's gone.

How is a computer like an air conditioner?

They both stop working properly when you open windows.

How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?

In bytes

Why are computers in Palestine really fast?

Because they've got Ramallah.

Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet?

Because it had too many threads.

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She puts in in the microwave.

Which computer is the best at singing?

A Dell.

What's the difference between a computer and a woman?

A computer only has to have information punched into it once.

How do you know a black guy's been at your computer?

It's not there.

What do you call a computer that farts?

A compooter. 8D

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?

It slipped a disk.

What do you call a laptop that ejaculates metal?

Computer

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)

Why were all the computers in the company frozen?

Because they let IT go

What type of computer is unusually large?

A Dell

What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger?

A big mac.

Why did my friend throw my computer out the window?

So A Dell could message me and say Hello from the other side.

What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink?

A slipped disk.

Why is Rob Zombie good for the health of Redditors?

They see his AMA and turn off the computer.

What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer?

A sore finger.

What connects the computers in Sauron's office?

A Tolkien Ring network.

Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on the mouse.

Why couldn't the computer play golf?

Because it had the wrong Driver

Why did you ticket the computer?

Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.

Why was the first computer never invited to dinner?

It would just take a few bytes then run.

When do computers go to sleep?

When it's internight.

What OS does an atheist run on their computer?

Fedora. For Linux n00bs(https://getfedora.org/)

How do computers learn to read?

C:/ Dos C:/ Dos Run Run Dos Run

What am I supposed to do with this computer now?

IT: Work M: Who hurt you

What brand of computer is best at singing?

A Dell

Why does my computer keep saying hello?

It's a Dell.

How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers?

Because I think it makes perfect scents.

What do Hutts use to program computers?

JabbaScript

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?

Lap-top!

What do you call it when your computer gets infected with a keylogger, a rootkit and half a dozen backdoors?

A free upgrade

What do computers and air conditioners have in common?

Neither work when you open windows.

Why are frogs no good at websurfing?

Computers have them toad-ily confused.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?

The Netcracker suite.

Why do the cops monitor the store that sells upper-case letters for computers?

It's a shifty business.

How do you tell if a black mans been on your computer?

It's not there.

How do you make a computer your best friend?

You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!

What did the computer say?

Too weak.

When The NSA is Monitoring Your Computer?

The power is on and you're connected to the internet.

Why is the computer so aggressive?

It bytes

What did the computer do with his overgrown gardens...?

Mowed 'em.

Why did the man put cheese on his computer?

He wanted to feed the mouse.

What do the LAPD and computers have in common?

They can both burn C.D's

Why did the computer act crazy?

It had a screw loose.

Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff?

Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.

What do you do if you lose all the information on your computer?

Ask the NSA for a backup.

What did the dentist say to the computer?

This won't hurt a byte

What kind of computer says "Hello"?

A Dell

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work?

Cause it had a hard drive.

Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?

He wanted to have webbed feet.

When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer?

PC Plod.

Whats worse than Bad command or File name?

Windows update message asking you to restart your computer

What did they say about the computer at the Bunny Ranch?

It may contain viruses.

What's an environmentalist's favorite part of a computer?

The recycle bin.

You might also enjoy:

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?

It saves so much time.

White Jokes More White Jokes

Why can't they use PC's as word-processors in Poland?

The screens keep on filling up with white-out.

How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer?

There is white-out on the screen. How do you know that another blonde has been using the computer Someone has written on the white-out.

Pdf Jokes More Pdf Jokes

Which program do Jedis use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi.

What do Jedi use to open PDF files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi.

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

What does an egg say when it gets punched in the stomach?

Oeuf!

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

Why was the cake afraid of mobsters?

He knew they were going to ice him.

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

What do you get when you cross a feminist with a non-feminist?

Triggernometry

Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?

They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

How about that airplane food?

Edit: I'm so sorry.

What do blondes and computer have in common?

You never appreciate them until they go down on you. edit: computers

Molest Jokes More Molest Jokes

How do you stop the neighbours kids from playing in your yard?

Molest them

What do you call someone who molests puppies and kittens?

A Petophile