Earn Jokes

Who earns a living driving their customers away?

A taxi driver

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Why did the scarecrow earn an achievement award?

He was outstanding in his field

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

Why did the scarecrow earn a promotion?

Because it was outstanding in its field

What's the fastest way to earn money as a photographer?

By selling your camera.

What must a vampire earn to learn to fly?

His red wings.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay?

Because they make cents!

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.

How does a fencer earn their karma?

Ripostes.

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Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

How do stories from Justin Biebers early childhood begin?

A few months ago

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What do you call pants that can fly?

Peter Pants I just made it up

What do you call a fly without wings?

Paste unoriginal joke here)

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What are you guys yelling about?

Them: YOU'RE DRIVING

What did the one fish in the tank say to the other?

Do you know how to drive this thing

Riposte Jokes More Riposte Jokes

How does a fencer earn their karma?

Ripostes.

Why doesn't r/jokes like fencers?

Because they always riposte.

Government Bond Jokes More Government Bond Jokes

Whats the difference between a man and a government bond?

The bond matures.

What's the difference between a government bond and a man?

The bond matures.*

People Jokes More People Jokes

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.

Why do people always ask me for directions?

I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.

Mature Jokes More Mature Jokes

What's the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

Bernie Sanders Jokes More Bernie Sanders Jokes

What do you call wood-smoothing equipment that's hot to the touch?

Bernie Sanders

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent