Feel Jokes

How does a tail pipe feel after a long car ride?

Exhausted.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What did one ethuastic Electrician say to the other sad Electrician?

Don't feel bad, YOU CONDUIT!!!

How many true friends do you believe you have?

Me: Define "true friend." Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.

Why does Axl Rose have trouble getting his car fixed?

Because no one wants to feel his serpentine.

What's gotten into you man?

Midget: Sorry, I feel a little Sikh.

How did the french guy feel when he got hit by a piece of bread?

He felt pain.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Because people kept toasting him!

What actor touches every girl on set?

David Cop-a-feel

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

What's a VCR?

My 10yo instantly making me feel like the oldest person who has ever lived. I need calcium chews for my brittle bones.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter

Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr?

Because it has cis-trust issues

Who's there! April! April who?

April might make you feel better!

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

How does a pair of pants feel when it is ironed?

Depressed.

What happens to a black mans hair when it feels nauseous?

It fro's up.

How do you feel now?

Me: With my elbows

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

Why was red sad?

Because he was feeling blue

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?

Melon-collie!

What did pancake Chip say to his friend pancake Berry when Berry was sad?

Don't feel blue, Berry, things will get batter

Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?

Because they dress in lairs.

How did the domestic goods feel when they were being shipped overseas?

Tarrif-ied.

Why it feels so hard to break up with a japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?

People without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids

Why was the electoral map feeling down?

It wasn't, it was feeling blue.

How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?

Down in the mouth!

Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?

Because he didn't feel well.

Why did the BMX date the motorcycle?

He was feeling a bit bike-curious.

What do you feel like having?

Nothing.

What is the worst part of a prostate exam?

Feeling the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

What do you call ham that feels better?

Cured ham.

How do introverts feel within society?

Removed

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

How did the T-Rex feel after working out?

OC Dino-sore

Why should Ray Charles be a psychologist?

Because he feels for everyone.

Why don't you just tell her how you feel?

Well, alright." "Girl, I feel with my nerves."

What, How is that possible!?

Vader: I felt your presents. Luke: NOOOOOOO

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

OC I think I'm feeling C6

Whats the difference between a black guy in jail and a caged birth?

The bird doesn't feel he's home.

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

How did the roman cannibal feel about his victim?

He was glad he ate her.

Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits?

Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free.

Why did Snow White go to bed?

She was feeling Sleepy.

What if I have to poop?

D: Then you should go now. *awkward pause* "Thanks I feel better."

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the dyslexic butcher feel left out?

He felt like he just didn't belong-a (bologna)

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

How does Reddit feel about Civil War jokes?

Because personally, I General Lee don't find them funny

What do windows feel when they get hurt?

Pane!

What should we call it when a man is beautiful?

Footseveral " No but I feel like you're on the right track

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

What did Jesus say while he was getting crucified?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (feel free to share yours)

Why did the mountain climber quit halfway through his climb?

He really wasn't feeling up to it.

How do calculus students feel about undefined slopes in Cartesian planes?

Indifferential.

How do you know if a woman is hot for you?

When you stick your hand in her underpants it feels like you're feeding a horse.

When are you going to learn to drive?

I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

How does it feel to crash a rental car?

It Hertz.

How does it feel son?

Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

What is it called when you walk away from your banana cream pie in the Sahara?

Deserting your dessert in the desert. I feel some banana jokes about to be inserted in this thread tho

What do you call a Mexican melon?

A cantelopez! Came up with this on all by myself. I'm a new Dad, so I feel as if I've significantly leveled up my Dad Joke ability.

How you're feeling now?

Patient: I'm feeling lonely with chill girl and 60 other persons

What did Jay Z say to Beyonce after having an ice cream shoved up his arse?

I'm feeling a bit sorbet.

What did the cookie say to the cracker?

You feeling salty bro

Where does a burger feel at home?

On the range!

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?

An ape-ricot sour!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the cookie cry?

It was feeling crumby.

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Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What did the Mexican Plumber call his second son?

Hose B

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation. Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

How many shaves does it take to remove all a persons pubic hair?

A brazillion!

Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg?

Because he always uses a razor.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What's the riddle?

What has a foot but no legs?

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

Decalfinated.

What's with these people who take a sip of their coffee as soon as they get it?

Who are these iron-mouthed warriors

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know someone is from California?

They tell you.

Ever wondered why bees hum?

It's because they don't know the words.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man quit his job at the bakery?

He didn't knead any more dough.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

West Jokes More West Jokes

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

What feels good in the west but feels cotton in the East?

Happi-ness

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What's the difference between a good joke and a woman?

The good joke doesn't get a black eye when you tell it a second time.

How many r/jokes commenters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know but that reminds me of a similar joke my uncle used to tell...