Feel Jokes

What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed.

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How do you help a sick ghost feel better?

Give it a BOO-quet of flowers!

How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs?

He was delighted.

How are you feeling?

The thermometer responded, "0K."

Why did the calendar give up on life?

Because he felt his days were numbered.

How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight?

Delighted.

How can U make a difference?

Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*

How do you feel about the upcoming Tour de France?

I'm gonna give 110%

How do you find and old man in the dark?

Just feel around. It's not hard.

How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan?

He was de-lighted

What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?

Deja phew!

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How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?

He was shocked.

Why does John Cena always take awhile to feel better when he's sick?

Because the Doctor can never see him.

Why did Matthew Arnold go swimming before writing Dover Beach?

Before writing the poem, he felt he had to do some sole-searching.

What did one the left headphone say to the right headphone as they walked through a haunted house?

This place feels earie.

Why did the pig run away from the pig sty?

He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.

Where does a cow go when he is so upset he doesn't feel like talking?

A moo'd specialist.

Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her?

I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through

Why do batteries feel lonely?

Because they are never included in anything.

How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers?

Because I think it makes perfect scents.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?

I feel abominable.'

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What's being in love feel like?

You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway Almost as good as that.

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel.

Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?

He felt at home with And/Or.

How did The Hulk feel after trying to lift Mjolnir?

He felt Thor.

How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?

They were very impressed!

Why did the tadpole feel lonely?

Because he was newt to the area!

Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup?

He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!

What did the picture say to the Judge?

I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! Skip

How does a tail pipe feel after a long car ride?

Exhausted.

What did one ethuastic Electrician say to the other sad Electrician?

Don't feel bad, YOU CONDUIT!!!

Why does Axl Rose have trouble getting his car fixed?

Because no one wants to feel his serpentine.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Because people kept toasting him!

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter

Who's there! April! April who?

April might make you feel better!

How long have you felt like this?

Ever since I was a puppy!

How does a pair of pants feel when it is ironed?

Depressed.

How do you feel now?

Me: With my elbows

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

Why was red sad?

Because he was feeling blue

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?

Melon-collie!

What did pancake Chip say to his friend pancake Berry when Berry was sad?

Don't feel blue, Berry, things will get batter

Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter?

Because they dress in lairs.

Why was the electoral map feeling down?

It wasn't, it was feeling blue.

How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow?

Down in the mouth!

Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?

Because he didn't feel well.

What is the worst part of a prostate exam?

Feeling the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

What do you call ham that feels better?

Cured ham.

How do introverts feel within society?

Removed

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

How did the T-Rex feel after working out?

OC Dino-sore

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

Why did Snow White go to bed?

She was feeling Sleepy.

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

How does Reddit feel about Civil War jokes?

Because personally, I General Lee don't find them funny

What do windows feel when they get hurt?

Pane!

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

Why did the mountain climber quit halfway through his climb?

He really wasn't feeling up to it.

How do calculus students feel about undefined slopes in Cartesian planes?

Indifferential.

When are you going to learn to drive?

I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

How does it feel to crash a rental car?

It Hertz.

How does it feel son?

Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band

What is it called when you walk away from your banana cream pie in the Sahara?

Deserting your dessert in the desert. I feel some banana jokes about to be inserted in this thread tho

What did the cookie say to the cracker?

You feeling salty bro

Where does a burger feel at home?

On the range!

Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy?

An ape-ricot sour!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the cookie cry?

It was feeling crumby.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Who's there? Dragon Ball Z. Dragon Ball Z Who?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Why can't I have coffee?

Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Thesaurus Jokes More Thesaurus Jokes

Why did the thesaurus have a creeping feeling?

He had an antonym.

What dinosaur knows the most words?

Thesaurus.

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg?

Because he always uses a razor.

Why do black cats never shave?

Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas!

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?

They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

Ocd Jokes More Ocd Jokes

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What is a sailor's favorite letter?

From his wife back home

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

60 Jokes More 60 Jokes

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

What shape is produced when you knock over a 60s actress?

A Tippihedron