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Ya Jokes

What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Who ya gonna call?

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN

Why ya going to the airport?

Flying Somewhere?": "How'd you guess?": "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?": "Aspen.": "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

Where's your bin?

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin. "Hey bub, where's ya bin" "I took a little vacation for a few weeks," "No. I meant where's your bin?" "Told ya, vacation, at the beach!" "No man. Where's ya wheely bin?" "Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

What do ya call it when a lizard goes completely limp?

A reptile-dysfunction.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?

See ya next month.

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Right where ya left him.

How do you keep redditors in suspense?

I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow

What's the Pirates favorite letter?

Ya think it be the Arrrr, but it's really the C.

What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum. Bartender pours it Cat slowly pushes it off the bar Cat: Another.

When black guys say "ya feel me?

I literally feel them so they know exactly what level of white I'm operating at.

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

What did one lesbian vampire say the other?

See ya next month)

What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?

Luters.

What did the magician say to the cell?

Might I conjure Ya

What can I get ya?

And in a very raspy voice the fish says, "WATER"

What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog?

Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.

What does your tattoo say?

Me: It doesn't talk. Cashier: Ya, but what does it say Me: IT DOESN'T TALK. Cashier: Ok, Ma'am.

Where ya been?

Me: At the cemetery. Her: Someone dead Me: Yeah. All of them.

Where'd ya get it?

The parrot says, "Africa." (I don't know if you know this one, but I just heard it today)

How'd ya get that?

Asked the bartender. "From my husband," she replied. "But I thought he was out of town " he asked. "So did I!" she said.

Why aren't cowboy jokes funny?

Ya herd one, ya herd em all.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

What did the lesbian-vampire say to her girlfriend?

See ya next month.

What do I owe ya?

Asks the neutron. "For you No charge."

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

When's the best time of day to start a diet?

4:00 For:Klock

Why did Mexico reduce the number of days an American tourist can stay in their country from 180 days to 90 days?

Because after 90 days in Mexico, even they try to enter the US illegally.

Coke Jokes More Coke Jokes

Why do Kenyans always win marathons?

At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-

Why did the police officer arrest the pop machine?

It was selling coke.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

Because they hate French Press!

Why do Vampires hate Writers?

Because they hate Type O's

Addict Jokes More Addict Jokes

What do you call a drug-addicted duck?

A quackhead.

What do you call someone addicted to both crack and weed?

A rockin' roller.

Luggage Jokes More Luggage Jokes

What is Queen's (the band, not the monarch) favourite type of luggage?

Carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

Why don't turkey vultures ever lose their luggage?

They only...

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What do you call a insomniac dyslexic agnostic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog!

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, I'll go on ahead....

Beach Jokes More Beach Jokes

Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach?

Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him.

Why do beaches not get sarcasm?

Because they always take things littorally

Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

What happens when a clown farts?

It smells funny. --As told to me by an Engineering lead... Much facepalm ensued.

What's long, green, slimy and smells like pork?

Kermit the Frog's finger