Airport Jokes

Flying Somewhere?": "How'd you guess?": "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?": "Aspen.": "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

Why did the muslim with a toothache go to the airport?

For a free cavity search.

Why did Ahmed Mohamed get delayed at the airport?

He was on a watch list...

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What do you call being sick because of an airport?

Terminal illness

Why do arabs use Colgate before going to the airport?

Because it provides cavity protection

Where do you hide an airport?

IN PLANE SIGHT!

What did the DJ say to the jazz musician?

Take me to the airport.

Why was the airport depressed?

It had a terminal illness.

What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?

To the airport please

What did airport security tell the Dentist?

We need to give you a cavity search

Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport?

Because he was Snowden...

Why can't you bring valve oil to the airport?

Because its a band substance

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why did Russia close all of its airports?

The planes were stalin.

Why did the elephant turn around in the airport and go home?

He forgot to pack his trunk.

Why was the mathematician detained at the airport?

Because he planned to blow up a plane.

What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard?

Edward Snowed In

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

How do you get a free flight at an airport?

Take the stairs.

How fast can you travel in any direction in an airport?

Terminal velocity.

How about a really bad food court where planes land?

Pitch for every airport

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Why does the town pound keep animals in separate cages?

Cause otherwise they'd be going to pound town.

What happens when two dogs breed in a pound?

Dog pound dog pounds dog pound dog.

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How does a german get to the airport?

He heils a taxi!

Why don't taxi drivers talk to each other?

They already know everything.

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Why was Kim Kardashian arrested at the airport?

She had two pounds of crack in her knickers.

What did the rapper say when he couldn't find his pants?

Where my knickers at

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Why are people not right in the head?

Because on the left side of the brain there is nothing right and on the right side there is nothing left!

What has long ears four legs and is worn on your head?

An Easter bunnet!

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Why is it wrong to be on the left?

Because it's not right.

How much time do I have left, doctor?

Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5...

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What's a European immigrant's favorite high school sport?

Cross country

What are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

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What do you call the German word for Vaseline?

Derweinerslider

What's the cleanest country in the world (in the eyes of the Germans?

Nigeria.

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What is the best part about duct tape?

It can turn "no, no, no!" Into "mmm, mmm, mmm"

Why ya going to the airport?

Flying Somewhere?": "How'd you guess?": "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?": "Aspen.": "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."