Airport Jokes

How does a German get to the airport?

He heils a taxi!

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Why JFK doesn't wear hats?

It is an airport.

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

Why is Edward Snowden still in Russia?

The airport is Snowden

Why ya going to the airport?

Flying Somewhere?": "How'd you guess?": "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?": "Aspen.": "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

Why did Ahmed Mohamed get delayed at the airport?

He was on a watch list...

What do you call being sick because of an airport?

Terminal illness

Where do you hide an airport?

IN PLANE SIGHT!

What did the DJ say to the jazz musician?

Take me to the airport.

Why was the airport depressed?

It had a terminal illness.

What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician?

To the airport please

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What did airport security tell the Dentist?

We need to give you a cavity search

Why couldn't Edward leave the Airport?

Because he was Snowden...

Why can't you bring valve oil to the airport?

Because its a band substance

What happened when the communists took over the airport?

The planes kept Stalin.

Why did Russia close all of its airports?

The planes were stalin.

Why did the elephant turn around in the airport and go home?

He forgot to pack his trunk.

What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard?

Edward Snowed In

Why are gifts in airports so expensive?

God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.

How do you get a free flight at an airport?

Take the stairs.

How fast can you travel in any direction in an airport?

Terminal velocity.

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What do Greek soccer players wear?

Soccer tee's

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

Regular rocks are too heavy.

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Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

Who looks after the EuroDisney website?

Mick e-mouse.

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How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

Take a taxi

Why don't taxi drivers talk to each other?

They already know everything.

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What do you call a seagull that catches you sleeping?

A baegull.

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, and cross again after being caught by the mafia?

Because he was a dirty double crosser.

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What did the fisherman say to the card magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What did one archeologist say to the other archeologist when he screwed up?

I've got a bone to pick with you

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What do you do if you fiend King Kong in the kitchen?

Just don't monkey with him.

What business is King Kong in?

Monkey business.

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Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

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What do you get when you order a JFK?

An americano with an extra shot

Why JFK doesn't wear hats?

It is an airport.