Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much?

The White Wizzer

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?

Because he has a magical staff.

Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for Halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

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What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator?

I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"?

Instead of all this "how did you get in to my house " calling 9-11 business.

How do you get a 300 pound woman into bed?

Piece of cake

High Elf Jokes More High Elf Jokes

Who stole the golden necklace? Was it a High Elf, a Nord or a Khajiit?

The Khajiit.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

Gas Jokes More Gas Jokes

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What are the advanteges of a long distance relationship?

All four people are happy.

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland?

Aurora boring Alice.

Pimp Jokes More Pimp Jokes

Why'd they call the egg a pimp?

Because he got ova easy.

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Coupe Jokes More Coupe Jokes

Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?

More doors.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.