March Madness Sale - 25% Off

Lord Jokes

Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings?

Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

March Madness Sale

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What drug does the lord use to get work done?

God speed.

What does the lord say when the intern messes up?

God demi

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

What is Saturn's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings.

What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "Jesus Christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

How many quarters does it take to play the Lord of the Rings pinball game?

None, it only takes Tolkiens

What is long, white, and very sticky?

The coming of the Lord!

What did the author of The Lord of the Rings say after he completed his books?

If you like dialogue, theres a whole lot of Tolkein.

What is white and streaks across the sky at blinding speeds?

The coming of the lord

Why didn't Peter Jackson cast any black actors in The Lord of the Rings?

He was afraid they wouldn't be taken on their merits, that they'd just be seen as Tolkien blacks.

Love

March Madness Sale

Love

What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings?

Legolas

What's white and drips from the cloud?

The coming of the Lord.

What is a Mormon's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings

What's white & falls from the sky?

The coming of the Lord." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...please enjoy this tweet. I'm going to hell.

What's White &amp Gooey and Rains Down From the Sky?

The coming of the Lord.

What am I, The Lord of War?

Peddle your conflict fruit someplace else.

Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

What's white and sticky?

What's white and sticky and hangs from the clouds. The second coming of the Lord

Why is God depressed?

Imagine...*You* Being God, the Lord, Him... But imagine us.

What's white and streaks across the sky at a thousand miles an hour?

The coming of the Lord.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

March Madness Sale

Everyday Deserves a Joke

You might also enjoy:

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What do they call deers in space?

I don't know, they would probably die anyways.

Who's singing this?

Me: "Franz Ferdinand." 7yo: "But, he died in 1914." Me:

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How many fingers do I have up?

A gynecologist who thinks he's really funny

Whatchya thinking about?

Me: *Thinking about how dogs understand more English words than I understand dog words* Science stuff.

Shop Jokes More Shop Jokes

Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart?

They prefer a Target.

Where is a pirates favorite place to shop for toys?

Toys arrrrrr Us.

Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

What do women and hand grenades have in common?

When you pull the ring off, your house goes away

How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub?

They both have rings!

Sin Jokes More Sin Jokes

What's the difference between a sin and a shame?

It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to take it out.

Why Do Mathematicians Never Go To The Beach?

Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan.

Strength Jokes More Strength Jokes

What's your strength?

Candidate: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: What's your weakness? Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.

How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires?

Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength.

Sith Lord Jokes More Sith Lord Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Sith Lord, and a Donkey?

Darth Mule! A joke, from third grade me... Happy Star Wars day!

How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They like it on the dark side.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How many are you?

We are three. - Three - Me and my brother. - You have a brother - No why do you ask

What kind of sandwich is this?

She asks. "It cheese ma."