Gas Jokes

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

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What has 10 letters and starts with gas?

Automobile.

What gas is best dressed at a dinner party?

Formaldehyde

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

Why was the laser sad?

All his gas is Argon.

What does a virus call a cluster of stars and gas?

Nebola

What has ten letters and starts with gas?

Flatulence

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

What gas do snails prefer?

Shell.

How can you tell when Ron Jeremy is finished pumping gas?

He pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car!

What do cars and humans have in common?

We both burn gas.

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Who's there! Cargo! Cargo who?

Cargo better if you fill it with gas first!

What's the difference between a Dutch oven and a German one?

The type of gas used.

Why couldn't the Germans make a good vacuum chamber?

There was too much gas in them.

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

What gas leaves a pirate speechless?

Argon

How many states of matter are there?

5: solids, liquids, gases, plasma, and black lives

What sort of a car has your dad got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.

What country most despises cars that run on gasoline?

Mad-at-gas-cars!

What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.

Where does the dentist get his gas?

At the filling station

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Volume Jokes More Volume Jokes

I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on ‘high’

I couldn’t turn it down.

What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume?

Give him the sheet music.

Bad Gas Jokes More Bad Gas Jokes

Why has Venus been so distant lately?

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

Because it's Boxing Day!

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Is just not as challenging since she started using foursquare.

Purpose Jokes More Purpose Jokes

Knock knock. Who's there? Acid. Acid who?

Accidentally on purpose!

What do you tell someone who feels that life has shorted them from a purpose or calling?

You belong.

Cent Jokes More Cent Jokes

Why did the nickel jump of the building but the dime did not?

Because the dime had more cents.

What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters?

This is non-cents!

Sith Deal Jokes More Sith Deal Jokes

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What begins with an "s", ends with a "x" and leaves a guy blown away?

Semtex.

How do Jamaicans end their prayers?

Ey mon.

Handicap Jokes More Handicap Jokes

What do you say to a handicapped dog?

Stay