Penny Jokes

Who's There?

Interrupting the whos there) Penny!

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Why do gas prices end with 9/10 of a penny?

It just makes cents.

What did the penny say to the other penny?

Let's get together and make some cents.

What type of pasta is no longer used in Canada?

Penny...

What do Stephan Harper and pennies have in common?

They're both useless in Canada.

How do you find the fastest man in Africa?

Roll a penny down a hill.

Why is Abraham Lincoln on the Penny?

Because it makes cents (sense).

How do you get half of Mexico to jump off a cliff?

Throw a penny off. How do you get the other half to jump too?... Tell them no one found it yet.

Whats the easiest way to drown a blonde?

Glue a penny to the bottom of a swimming pool ALTERNATE ENDING: Put a scratch n' sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool

What happened when Canada got rid of the penny?

Canadians became *penniless*

How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day?

Like what if you find a penny

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Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?

Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

What do you call a penny with Jesus on it?

J.C. Penny

Why did the Louvre tour guide work for pennies?

Because this docent makes any cents.

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

A penny.

What did Sheldon say to Penny?

BaZINCa!!

Why did she get entry to the pub without paying a single penny?

Cause she being she, wasn't even worth a penny. (/hehheh)

Why is a cat like a penny?

Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny God: Just a second.

What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

Change.

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Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's?

Q:Why are all Quaker truck drivers stuck in the 1980's? A: Because they are Haulin' Oats!

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies?

Dads joke) The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

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What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

How can you tell if someone has a Jamaican accent?

They roll their J's.

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How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing?

The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

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How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go fishing

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

9 Jokes More 9 Jokes

Why is 9 crying?

Me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep

Why was Mel Gibson in a bar at 9am?

He overslept.

Million Year Jokes More Million Year Jokes

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes eight million years.

What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny God: Just a second.

God Jokes More God Jokes

What does God call his nose?

God knows.

Why don't we say Grace?

Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry

Mexico Jokes More Mexico Jokes

What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool?

A broad abroad on a board aboard.

Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics?

Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.