Oh God Jokes

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

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What did one coconut say to the other?

Oh my god a talking coconut!

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

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Select Jokes More Select Jokes

Why make us select "cook" at all?

Does my appliance have a calculator function or something Sincerely, Everyone

What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?

Vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.

Forklift Jokes More Forklift Jokes

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

What's the easiest thing to lift with a forklift?

A palette.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?

M'rauders Map

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.

What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

Pump kin.

B Jokes More B Jokes

What do you call a psychic on /b/?

A 4Chan-Teller

What is puberty?

B- Do you bleed BD -... B - You Will

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon?

ARE YE READY KIDS!

What do the Zika virus and Catholic priests have in common?

They both give kids a little head.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A pizza doesn't scream when you break it in 8.

Why did the chicken run around screaming?

Because he had to use the bathroom.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Why was Game of Thrones banned from twitter?

Because twitter has an 140 character limit.