Oh God Jokes

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

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What did one coconut say to the other?

Oh my god a talking coconut!

What is that behind your ear?

Nice try, too old for the coin trick" "No it's a tumor" "Oh my god" "Kidding it's a quarter"

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

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Grocery Jokes More Grocery Jokes

Where do Americans buy their groceries in Afghanistan?

At the infideli counter.

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Candidate Jokes More Candidate Jokes

What's your strength?

Candidate: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: What's your weakness? Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Democratic Party Jokes More Democratic Party Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What does John F. Kennedy have in common with the current Democratic Party?

No brains

Prepare Jokes More Prepare Jokes

How does it feel?

Well it took 4 years but I finished the marathon" And how will you prepare for it again tomorrow "What"

Why people cry during the weddings?

They are preparing for whats coming afterwards

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why do they say cleanliness is next to godliness?

Because every time i talk dirty to my wife she tells me to go to hell.

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

Body Jokes More Body Jokes

What has a head, a tail, and no body?

A coin!

Why wasn't the Achilles invited into the body?

Because it was already attendin'.

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

How do you know if a Korean gang robbed your house?

Because all the rice is gone, and three hours later, they are still trying to back out of your driveway.

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

What do you call 2 metalheads falling in love?

A match maiden heaven