Oh God Jokes

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

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What did one coconut say to the other?

Oh my god a talking coconut!

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

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Machine Jokes More Machine Jokes

What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

What's gambling like in heaven?

It's a pair-a-dice.

What do you call a woman in heaven?

An Angel A crowd of women in heaven - A host of Angels And all women in heaven - PEACE ON EARTH!

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why did the storm trooper decide to buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the right droid he was looking for.

What is something you can use to find the pH of tree sap?

A log!

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

How did Jesus get so fit?

He did lots of cross fit

What did the Math book say to the pencil?

I see your point I've got a lot of problems.

Grocery Jokes More Grocery Jokes

Where do dogs shop for groceries?

Wagmans.

Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

What has five arms, three legs and a head?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon

Policy Jokes More Policy Jokes

How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy?

There's some things I've licked that I don't want.

What's the policy at French morgues?

Baguette and tag it.

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

What's the worst part of giving a magician a ride home?

When you get there, you turn into the driveway. Ba-dum-bum! Don't forget to tip your waitress!

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his driveway?

Because he was snowed in.