Stir Jokes

How does Liam Neeson like his martini?

Taken, not stirred.

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What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

What's the hardest part of making monster soup?

Stirring it.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?

Because he wanted to feel his oats!

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Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the man go fishing?

Just for the halibut.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

Why don't cows drink milk?

Because they lactose I don't know why I found this so funny! ready for the down vote to begin 3

Shaken Jokes More Shaken Jokes

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake?

Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond Jokes More James Bond Jokes

How does James Bond type e-mails?

With his goldfinger.

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub?

Bubble-0-7

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

I can't pair wines like this.

What does a witch enjoy cooking most?

Gnomelettes.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

What's the difference between the jokes I read today, and the jokes I read last week?

The posters

Prefer Jokes More Prefer Jokes

When you go for a bus ride do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?

I prefer to ride on top but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.