Swine Flu Jokes

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.

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Why was the cop absent from work?

He had swine flu

What happened when pigs started flying?

Everyone got swine flu

What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

One requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.

What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?

For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".

What is the difference between the avian flu and the swine flu?

One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.

What do you call a pig that took a plane?

Swine flu!

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

How did the pig get out of the tree?

The swine flu (joke my dad made up a couple years back during all this)

How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

One you use tweetment and the other, oinkment

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What do Mexicans use to slice pizza?

Little Caesers

What products do you use for grooming?

She asked me. Her face looked quite taken aback when I said, "Facebook"

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What do you call a flying pig?

Swine flu

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What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?

One requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'. i'm sorry.

How do you cure the bird flu versus swine flu?

One you use tweetment and the other, oinkment

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Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?

Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

What's the strongest muscle on a pig?

The hamstring.

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What is the difference between the avian flu and the swine flu?

One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.

What do you give a sick pig?

Oinkment!

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What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows

What do you call a bird who wants to have a different personality?

An alter eagle!

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What is the chemical formula for water?

Student: "HIJKLMNO." Teacher: "What are you talking about " Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

Why are you calling me Grandpa?

Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

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What do Jimmy Saville's victims and Aston Villa fans have in common?

They're still talking about what happened in 1982.

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.