Thank Jokes

What did the redneck say when he lost his virginity?

Thanks mum

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

Why can't priests have children?

Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed. My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

Where do chicken strips find love?

Chicken tinder Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

How do you starve a Socialist?

You hide their food stamps under their work boots. Edit Thank you /u/DoctorBrohoof for my first gold!

Why thank you... are you single?

Girl: No, I am a dentist.

Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?

To observe spooky action at a distance! Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?

Because it has NO FANS!!! (get it no fans... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you show your appreciation towards black holes?

Thanks for nothing!

Why don't they play poker in the savanna?

Because there are too many cheetahs. Thank you i will be here all day.

What's the difference between reddit gold and the Greek drachma?

People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold.

Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?

Because 31OCT == 25DEC (thank you very much)

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

Why couldn't the Hungarian programmer buy a third long?

Because he only had Forints! Thank you thank you, tip your waiter.

Where did I get my scarf?

It's a CVS receipt. You love it Oh thank you very much.

What, why?

Is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Thanks for all the sediment.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag.

I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.'

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E.T. Jokes More E.T. Jokes

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

Where on Earth have you been??!!" **Thank you, I'll be here all night... Edit: Thanks for da love Dr. Jones!

What's E.T. Stand for?

Extra testicle

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

Why doesnt Nickelback play football?

Because even if they had 4 players they still couldnt throw a ball.

How do you shave your balls?

After thinking for a few moments I say "Carefully"

Ellen Jokes More Ellen Jokes

What is Ellen's favourite food?

Kung-Pao Chicken.

Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate?

Grinder (Thanks, Ellen)

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why are Muslims so good at driving at night?

Because that's when they brake fast.

How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?

A little stiff.

Stadium Jokes More Stadium Jokes

Why was the stadium so cool?

It was full of fans. Thank thank you for your time

Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?

Because all the fans have left.

Provide Jokes More Provide Jokes

Why do arabs use Colgate before going to the airport?

Because it provides cavity protection

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

Waiter Jokes More Waiter Jokes

What do waiters want most after dinner?

The tip!

Why does your sign say "Fine Dining"?

Waiter: We can dream can't we

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What washes up on tiny beaches?

Microwaves.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the dead baby in my microwave?

Isaac Newton died a virgin