Thank Jokes

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Thanks for all the sediment.

The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.

Thank you very much, sir.

A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag.

I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.'

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Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

What did the hamburger say when it found out that most people liked hamburgers better than frankfurters?

Hot dog!'

Add Jokes More Add Jokes

What did 'b' say to his friend 'e' after 'e' saved his life?

AY E! I O U edit: added Y

Why, don't you look nice!?

I said, "Thanks." "It wasn't a compliment." she added.

4 Year Old Jokes More 4 Year Old Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window

What does God smell like?

Me: 4-year-old: Me: Nachos. 4-year-old: With cheese

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm

What's the fastest car on earth?

A rental car.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

Why did the water level in the pond rise?

Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.

How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?

Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

Why did the chicken lay an egg?

Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

Why do people starve?

When food tastes so good.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What do aliens use to buy their coffee?

Starbucks

Why shouldn't you buy shoes off the street?

They might be laced with something..