Vegas Jokes

Why have no melons ever gotten married in Vegas?

Because they can't elope!

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Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas?

Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!

Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

What's the hottest hotel in Vegas?

The Cosmopolitan

Why was the rooster happy after his trip to Vegas?

He got clucky.

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Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

What do you call a drug dealing church?

Crystal Methodists

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What do you call a boy with no arms and legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bobby

What lives in the ocean is grouchy and hates neighbours?

A hermit crab!

Small Fortune Jokes More Small Fortune Jokes

How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas?

By spending a large fortune.

What is the most tried and true method to getting a small fortune?

Start out with a large fortune.

Trip Jokes More Trip Jokes

What happened to the hippy chemistry teacher when he spilled his chemicals?

He tripped on acid

What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids.

California Jokes More California Jokes

What happens when the fog lifts in California?

UCLA.

What do the woman from southern California and the clouds over the Pacific coast have in commen?

They're both Marine layers

Elope Jokes More Elope Jokes

Why did the melon break up with her melon boyfriend?

He told her he *can't elope*.

Why have no melons ever gotten married in Vegas?

Because they can't elope!

Fiancee Jokes More Fiancee Jokes

How did Jennifer Aniston find her fiancee?

She looked very Theroux-ly.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married?

Fiancee