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Neck Jokes

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

Because his neck is way up here! (Dad Joke)

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work 8 year old brother just told me this joke, thought it belonged here

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

What do ateists wear on their necks as an indication of their commitment to the atheism?

Head.

Why were the witch and wizard always kissing each other's necks?

Because they were neckromancers

Why did the Vampire's girlfriend break up with him?

Because he was pain in the neck!

Why could Frankenstein's Monster not have children?

Because his nuts were in his neck!

Why do cows wear bells around there neck?

Because there horns don't work.

What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part

Why do cows have bells around their necks?

Because their horns don't work.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

What do you call a hundred black men buried up to their necks in dirt?

Afroturf

What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight?

Necking.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up.

What do you want to work on today?

Well we did neck day yesterday, and the day before. "So...neck day again" You bet

Who won the animal race?

The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!

What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe?

A long necked toothbrush!

Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck?

Because he was a neck-romancer....

What do you call a chicken with no neck?

A Hic. ----- wife hit me with this one today. Remove the n. E. C. And k. From chicken and it spells hic. I'm sorry Reddit.

What do you have when you have a mother in law buried up to her neck in sand?

Not enough sand.

What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe?

A long necked toothbrush.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?

The girl necks door.

What did the tie say to the neck?

I think I'll just hang around.

Why are giraffes such good friends?

They are always willing to stick their neck out for you.

What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler?

How red their necks are.

Why did the bank robber go to the chiropractor?

Because he had a crook in his neck.

What muscle is most responsible for lateral rotation of the neck?

The gluteus maximus

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

Where was I conceived, dad?

Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset

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Person Jokes More Person Jokes

What do you call a person who farts in private?

A private tutor

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

How does Mario talk to the dead?

With a Luigi board. Made this joke up about 10 years ago while trying to think of terrible laffy taffy jokes.

What did the alien say to the gas pump?

Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you!

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why do caterpillars think they are better than us?

OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*

What shoes are hard to wear?

Dark Soles Terrible gaming pun. My friend posted this on FB, thought I would share.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold?

The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) No I am not a dad

What do you call a utility knife that doesn't work?

A futility knife.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What does a baker wear on his feet?

Loafers.

What's red and green and wears boxing gloves?

A fruit punch.

Dad Joke Jokes More Dad Joke Jokes

What is the one thing Batman and Superman don't have to worry about?

Dad Jokes.

Where do Polar Bears keep their money?

In the Snowbank. My first post is a dad joke

Aardvark Jokes More Aardvark Jokes

What do you call an aardvark that's good at golf?

A paredvark!

What do you call an aardvark that plays poker?

A cardvark!

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the man say to the bee who wanted to learn the alphabet?

Nothing lmao bees cant learn.

How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?

Tentickles.