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Mary Jokes

What did God say to Mary after impregnating her?

Praise the Load

Birthday State of Mind

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Birthday State of Mind

Who is the most successful liar in the world?

Mary. Lied about her extramarital affair, still believed by billions.

Why did Mary fell from the swing?

Because she hasn't got arms!

Where did Mary go after the explosion?

Everywhere.

Where did Mary go when the bombs went off?

Everywhere.

What's Mary short for?

She's got no legs.

Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked?

Because Jesus WEPt.

What is Mary short for?

She has no legs

What is Mary and Joesph's Favorite Snack?

Jeez-its

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg?

Cause thay had a weigh in the mangor.

Why did Mary get a restraining order against Black Beard the Pirate?

He kept trying to plunder her booty.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What about that rad drum?

Little Drummer Boy: No Mary: Get out

Where did Mary go during the bombing?

Everywhere

Why did Mary fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms. Knock, knock! (Who's there) Well, it ain't Mary.

Whatever's the matter?

Asked her mother. 'I don't know' replied Mary 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'

What is the network admin favourite lullaby?

Mary had a little LAN

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What would you do if a bull charged you?

Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

How did Mary fall off the swing?

She had no arms

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Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why wasn't the son of God worried when Microsoft Word crashed while he was writing his term paper?

Because Jesus saves.

How can we supply that many?

Jesus: *winks at camera*

Swing Jokes More Swing Jokes

Why did Megan fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there?? Not Megan.

Why did Alice fall off the swing?

A. Because she has no arms. Q. Knock knock *who's there * A. Not Alice...

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How do pirates know they are pirates?

They think therefore they arrr

What's a Monk's favorite breakfast food?

Well, they're vegetarians so probably not what you're thinking...

Impregnate Jokes More Impregnate Jokes

What did God say to Mary after impregnating her?

Praise the Load

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

Abuse Jokes More Abuse Jokes

What does FTFY even mean?

I swear to god people abuse acronyms so much.

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague?

He was looking for a Czech mate.

Why does a priest never get married?

Because they got nun to love them

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?

Claude

What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?

A horse and rider.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese?

Rady O'Gaga

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture