Medal Jokes

How does a paralympian call home, after winning a medal?

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Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the Olympic Games?

All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America.

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog!

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

How does North Korea only have four medals so far?

We're the best at everything. We even fed our athletes this time.

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Every time someone said "Get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.

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What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m?

I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!

Paralympic Jokes More Paralympic Jokes

Whats better then getting a gold medal in the Paralympics?

Walking.

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

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Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?

Because it was a total rip-off.

How many nuts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian

Border Jokes More Border Jokes

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

What doctors shop at Barnes and Noble?

Doctors without Borders. Credit to Max Scoville.

Men Jokes More Men Jokes

Why are Mens bathrooms usually to the left?

Because women are right.

What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m?

I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.

Gold Medal Jokes More Gold Medal Jokes

Why has the pope never won a gold medal?

Because he always came in a little behind.

What is better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics?

Having legs.