Spy Jokes

What's Richard Nixon's favorite game?

I spy.

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What's the NSA's favourite game?

I spy.

What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

James Bonding bah dun tss

Why did the spy stay in bed?

To stay under cover

Who is both a knight and a spy?

Sir Veillance

Why did the spy cross the road?

Because he never really was on your side.

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

How do spies send secret messages in a forest?

By moss code.

Why does James Bond keep telling people his real name?

Worst. Spy. Ever.

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

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Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

Why did the spy cross the border?

Because he never really was on your side.

What do you call it when a book spies on people?

A peeping tome.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A counter spy.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

What do spies say in bed?

Shh I'm undercovers

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Nice Day Jokes More Nice Day Jokes

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading. Thank you, and have a nice day.

Where do Russian Spy's live?

In a Snow Den. (This is a joke. Please refrain from yelling at me, that he is not a spy. Thank you and have a nice day.)

Department Store Jokes More Department Store Jokes

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A counter spy.

How do most rappers build a following?

They go shopping at a department store.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What happens when you flip an 8 to it's side?

Everything, given enough time

What time do monkeys poop?

Tree turdy.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What does a successful CS:GO bettor spend the money on?

Vacation.

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

Secret Agent Jokes More Secret Agent Jokes

What do you get when you cross an orthodontist and a secret agent?

It's confi-dental

What do you call a secret agent running for the bus?

A Russian spy.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here, I'll go on ahead....

What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Cover Jokes More Cover Jokes

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

Nsa Jokes More Nsa Jokes

How do apply for a job at the NSA?

You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.

Why couldn't the NSA leave their houses?

They got Snowden.