Tomatoe Jokes

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

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What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

What do you call five tomatoes?

A tom-a-FOOT! In Europe, they call it a tom-a-METER.

What's red and not there?

No tomatoes.

What's red and invisible at the same time?

No tomatoes.

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

Who ate those tomatoes?

Tom ate those.

What did the tomato say to the ear of corn?

Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate.

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Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

What do you call chow mein cooked in tomato sauce?

Impasta

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Who's there! Anne! Anne who?

Anne apple just fell on my head!

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I'd have to say Rushmore, considering he had four heads.

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What do you get when you put a tomato in your mothers shoe?

A spanking

What do you mean you're not going to spank me?

I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you

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Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago.

What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes?

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Why were the German tomatoes drunk?

Because they'd been on the vine.

What's the difference between a banana and a bann?

A bann grows on vines.

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Why do rednecks always smell like pickles, mayonnaise, and ham?

Because they're inbred.

What did the illiterate Mexican say to the funny looking bottle of mayonnaise?

LMAO

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Her food is potion-controlled.

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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.

How do you get honey from a graveyard?

From a zombee!