Tomatoe Jokes

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

What do you call five tomatoes?

A tom-a-FOOT! In Europe, they call it a tom-a-METER.

What's red and not there?

No tomatoes.

What's red and invisible at the same time?

No tomatoes.

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

Who ate those tomatoes?

Tom ate those.

What did the tomato say to the ear of corn?

Nothing, as tomatoes lack any ability to communicate.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine?

It wooden go

What happens when you see two twin sister witches?

You don't know which witch is which!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving?

Derive, derive, derive!

What do you call joke told by a duck?

A wise quack.

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

How many narwhals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Bacon

What do you call bacon wrapped frog legs?

The Muppets

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

Elevator Jokes More Elevator Jokes

Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.

Why do I tell jokes in elevators?

Because they're funny on many levels.

Mayonnaise Jokes More Mayonnaise Jokes

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Shut the door im dressing

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator was opened?

Close that damn door! Can't you see I'm dressing??

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank?

Urine over your head!

What's black, white, red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her head.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did the doctor make an old woman cry?

He lost his patients

Why did the whale have to go see his doctor?

His diet was krill-in him.