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Absolute Jokes

What do short people call something that's too high up?

Absolute zero, because it's impossible to reach

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What's it like being frozen to absolute zero?

It's 0K.

Why couldn't Obi-Wan calculate the volume of Bespin from the ideal gas law?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Why are Jedis allowed to use negative numbers?

Because only Siths deal in absolutes.

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero?

Are you 0K

Why do people always talk in absolutes?

I would never do that. It's the worst.

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Subject Jokes More Subject Jokes

What subject did the Warlock major in at University?

Fel-osophy

How are the band "The Scorpions" and rural shepherds alike?

They just wanna be loved by ewe. Made up this joke/pun at work the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first), decided to subject you all to it. All apologies to shepherds who are not physical with your sheep.

Hydrogen Atom Jokes More Hydrogen Atom Jokes

What does a lawyer, a pine tree, and a hydrogen atom have in common?

Absolutely nothing.

What happened when two hydrogen atoms collided?

The doctor had to heal-ium.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the paedophilic bestialist not answer his name?

Because he was feeling a little horse.

How can you tell if a Mexican is feeling sad?

They're wearing a SOMBERERO

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

Why is gambling not allowed in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

Pine Tree Jokes More Pine Tree Jokes

What does a lawyer, a pine tree, and a hydrogen atom have in common?

Absolutely nothing.

Which trees miss you the most?

Pine trees

Zero Jokes More Zero Jokes

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in zero lightbulbs?

Indeterminate

How many zeros in one million?

Six" "Ok, thanks" *writes milli000000n*

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.

How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?

One...but it takes him 27 tries

Absolutely Sense Jokes More Absolutely Sense Jokes

What bleeds once a month and has absolutely no sense of humor?

Me. I'm pretty clumsy so I get paper cuts pretty regularly.