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Die Jokes

What did the Chinese man say when he found out his mother died?

I can't bereave it!

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What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why does Jesus not play video games?

Everytime he dies he has to wait 3 days to respawn

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

Why do artists die early in life?

Too many strokes.

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

Why did the pirate captain suddenly die?

He had an an*yarr*ysm.

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?

Yep, people are just dying to get in there

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Old Hobbit Jokes More Old Hobbit Jokes

Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings?

Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why did the cop climb the tree?

He worked for a special branch.

Why did the monkey fall of the tree?

Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? Why did the third monkey fall of the tree? Peer pressure.

Speaker Jokes More Speaker Jokes

What happens when the President dies?

The Vice President takes over. What happens when the Vice President dies? The Speaker of the House takes over. What happens when the Speaker of the House dies? You go to Radio Shack and buy a new speaker.

What do you call an incredibly well-dressed punk?

The Speaker of the House

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What does an Asian man do during an erection?

Vote.

What's the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don't have a Camaro....

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

What happens to an air conditioner when you pull its plug?

It loses its cool.

Why are fire trucks red?

You would be too if someone was pulling on your hose all day.

Punchline Jokes More Punchline Jokes

Why doesn't anyone tell jokes about Jonestown?

The punchline is too long.

Whats a Joke with no Punchline?

Life

Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

What music does a mummy listen to?

Wrap music

What do you call the James Brown songs no one listens to?

Defunct funk.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime