Die Jokes

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why does Jesus not play video games?

Everytime he dies he has to wait 3 days to respawn

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

Why do artists die early in life?

Too many strokes.

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

Why did the pirate captain suddenly die?

He had an an*yarr*ysm.

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?

Yep, people are just dying to get in there

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Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

What do you call a tree that lost its family in a forrest fire?

Mourning wood

House Jokes More House Jokes

Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?

She's afraid they'll bring down the house.

What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

They are four ways you can lose your house!

Monkey Jokes More Monkey Jokes

How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?

About 6 hours.

What do monkeys drink in space?

Orangu-Tang.

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck

What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?

Money's tight these days!

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What's The Coolest Thing On the Internet I Can Buy for Under $100?

Http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wyozq/whatisthecoolestthingicanbuyonthe/c5hp9rg

What kind of teeth can you buy with a dollar?

Buck teeth!

Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

Why did the sweet scented man called Paul change his name to Saul?

He liked the P, but preferred the essence the change.

Joan Rivers Jokes More Joan Rivers Jokes

What did Joan Rivers say to the zombie?

Who are you wearing *

What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived?

Get a new robe!

Bilbo Baggin Jokes More Bilbo Baggin Jokes

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long?

Because old Hobbits die hard...