Monkey Jokes

Why did the man marry a monkey?

Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry...sorry twice if this is an old joke

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

How do you open a banana safe?

With a monkey.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What is the monkey that can't peel the banana?

Terrible at CC

Why are monkeys pedantic?

Because they love nitpicking.

Why did the monkey fall of the tree?

Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? Why did the third monkey fall of the tree? Peer pressure.

What did the monkeys say when they saw the Northern Lights?

Ooooooh, aaaaaah...

Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?

Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.

How long does it take a monkey to fly a plane from LA to New York?

About 6 hours.

What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks?

It's won't be long now!

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What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget?

Tom Cruise

What key opens a banana?

A monkey. What key opens a carrot? A donkey.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A BABOOM!

What is a gentleman monkey?

A gentleman monkey is a monkey that won't monkey around with another monkey's monkey.

What do your mom and monkeys have in common?

Macaque

What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door?

It won't be long now...

How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Monkeys screw in trees.

What's yellow and smells of bananas?

Monkey vomit

What do monkeys drink in space?

Orangu-Tang.

What do you call a monkey in a suit?

Over-dressed!

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What do monkeys sleep on?

Apricots. I used to love this joke when I was a little kid and told it over and over. I'm still a little in love with it for that reason. What are some of your favorite jokes from when you were a little kid?

What kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon!

How does a baboon make phone calls?

He just monkeys around on the line!

What key do you need to open a banana?

A monkey

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle Bells Jungle bells..!

What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot?

Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah

What are apricots?

Where monkeys sleep.

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

How do you fix a monkey?

With a Monkey Wrench!

What did the Banana say to the Monkey?

Yo You peel me

How can you open a banana?

With a monkey!

What do you call a monkey holding a stick of dynamite?

A Baboom!

Why did the monkey cross the road?

To loot the pharmacy on the other side

What do you call a monk that operates a door unlocking service?

A monkey. (p.s. I have a wonderful, terrible love for bad jokes)

How do monkeys go down the stairs?

They slide down the banana-ster!

Where do monkeys hang out?

At the monkey bars.

What do you get when you cross dessert with a monkey?

A Meringueutan

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey?

A cross.

What do you get when you put human DNA in a monkey?

A lifetime ban from the Zoo

Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

What do you do if you fiend King Kong in the kitchen?

Just don't monkey with him.

Why don't monkeys gamble in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.

What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak?

I've banana roll lately.

What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A babooooom!

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Old Joke Jokes More Old Joke Jokes

What gets you a downvote?

Reposting an old joke that wasn't funny the first time. What gets you an upvote? Posting an original joke, or a funny joke I've heard before. What get's you 5 upvotes? Being

How are old jokes on reddit like a herpes outbreak?

You know they are going to keep coming back, and despite the fact they are weaker each time, you still don't look forward to them.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What's blue and white and can't climb trees?

A fridge with a denim jacket on

Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees?

They're really good at it.

Original Joke Jokes More Original Joke Jokes

What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention?

A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke

What sound does a debugging Web Developer make?

Open, Close!.................. Open, Close!.................. Open, Close!.................. *only true Web Developers will understand* *original joke*

Loudest Noise Jokes More Loudest Noise Jokes

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?

What makes the loudest noise in the jungle?

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

What did the fisherman from Boston say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What is Weird Al Yankovic's favorite pick up line?

Hey, so are you familiar with my parodies? Yeah my PAIR O DEEZ NUTS!!!

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Who will take the second shot in this pool game?

Find out after the break.

What did the first airplane engine say to the second airplane engine?

Are we there soon?" "Not jet."

Tail Jokes More Tail Jokes

Where does a dog go when he loses his tail?

A retail store.

Where are most fish found?

Between the head and the tail!

Monkey Bar Jokes More Monkey Bar Jokes

Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars?

She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there Me: Not Lucy.

Where do monkeys hang out?

At the monkey bars.