German Jokes

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

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Why German Loves Americans why do Germans love Americans?

Because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

Why are there so many trees along the Champs-Elysees?

Because ze Germans like to march in ze shade.

What did the German baker say to greet his customers?

Gluten tag!

Why are Holocaust jokes never clean?

Because they're full of Germans.

What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial?

I was just following odors.

What did the German say when the Spaniard asked him for some cheese?

Mi Kase es su Kase.

How many Swiss does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We pay a German to do it.

How do you say bra in German?

Dashud sthapem from flappen

What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping?

A clean sheet.

What do you call a castrated German?

A Munich

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What does the beginning of the German alphabet start with?

Not Z.

What do you call the german version of Harry Potter?

Heinrich Potter, and the chamber of gas.

What is a depressed German with Celiac disease unlikely to have tomorrow?

A Gluten Morgan

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What did the German clock maker say to the clock that would only go "tick tick tick?

Vee have vays of making you tock!

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Pain Jokes More Pain Jokes

What would Germans call a painfully offensive joke?

Ouchwitz &gtsay ouch when offended or in pain &gtWitz is the German word for joke &gtsounds like auschwitz

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What's the last thing you want to hear from a surgeon dissecting someone?

Oops

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Me: Let's not rush things, OK

Auschwitz Jokes More Auschwitz Jokes

What Pokemon can you find at Auschwitz?

Gastly

Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms?

The train to Auschwitz. Some German guy i used to play Path of Exile with told it to me.

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?

Who the hell ordered a new roof?

What the hell?

Why are you skipping numbers girl 1: Because I can't even!!!

British Jokes More British Jokes

What do British people call concrete?

Arsephalt

What do the British say when they're flirting?

U wan'a m8?

Swiss Jokes More Swiss Jokes

Why does God like Swiss cheese?

It's holey! get it

What is good about being Swiss?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

Offend Jokes More Offend Jokes

What's the same about Mexican and Black people?

Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal. (Sorry if you're offended, I love all races.)

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

What did the Chinese guy say to his wife after her botched plastic surgery?

Honey, why the wrong face

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty