German Jokes

What did the German watch repairer say to his watch that would only go tick, tick, tick?

"Ve have vays of making you tock!"

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What happens when a soviet and a German have a child?

I don't know but he can conquer Poland really fast.

What's a German Ninja drink beer out of?

A clandestein.

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

How do you call unexpected pregnancy in German?

Kinder Surprise

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

Why German Loves Americans why do Germans love Americans?

Because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

What did the German baker say to greet his customers?

Gluten tag!

What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial?

I was just following odors.

What did the German say when the Spaniard asked him for some cheese?

Mi Kase es su Kase.

How many Swiss does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We pay a German to do it.

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How do you say bra in German?

Dashud sthapem from flappen

What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping?

A clean sheet.

What does the beginning of the German alphabet start with?

Not Z.

What is a depressed German with Celiac disease unlikely to have tomorrow?

A Gluten Morgan

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds?

Old habits die hard

What did the German clock maker say to the clock that would only go "tick tick tick?

Vee have vays of making you tock!

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What is ez to cook?

CookEZ.

Why don't we say Grace?

Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry

American Jokes More American Jokes

What's the difference between Belgian waffles and American waffles?

Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German.

What do you get when American pioneers develop a video game?

They manifest Destiny

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

Why did the banjo player get into heaven?

The devil has standards.

What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven?

The Y2K deadline!

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What is the only thing more permanent than a Sharpie marker?

A STD.

Whats the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their knees

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What do you call an Italian's semi-formal shirt?

Marco's polo

What did the Italian chef say when his boss tried to pick a fight?

You wanna pizza me!

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

Why was the Robot angry at the engineer?

Because he screwed his wife!

Why do engineers confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Because OCT 31= DEC 25

French Jokes More French Jokes

Why is French person a better team player than a pirate?

The pirate says, "Aye, aye!" The French says, "Oui, oui!"

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?

She was maid in France!

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why did EA cross the road?

The punchline for this joke is 0.99$

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.