Guitar Player Jokes

How do you get a guitar player to shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him

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How do you get the guitar player off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2. One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".

How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?

Give him sheet music.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume?

Give him the sheet music.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

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Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

Babe, it's a valve!

Sally Jokes More Sally Jokes

Why couldn't Sally use the swings?

She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for her Birthday? We don't know, she didn't open it yet.

Why did Sally fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

What is the most up-voted comment of all time?

Repost

Guitar Jokes More Guitar Jokes

Why did the guitarist leave his guitar on the ground?

It didn't have any pickups

How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar?

He shreds.

Eric Clapton Jokes More Eric Clapton Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a kilo of Coke?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a kilo fall out of a window

Why did Eric Clapton move from PC to Mac?

He had a bad experience with Windows

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

Why did the goat stop trying to break out of jail?

Because he was just tired of being an escape goat.

Begin Jokes More Begin Jokes

What do Windows and a submarine have in common?

If you open the windows in a submarine, your problems will begin.

Why don't cows drink milk?

Because they lactose I don't know why I found this so funny! ready for the down vote to begin 3

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Dave Matthews fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There are Dave Matthews fans

How many dubstep fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Wuh-wuh-wuh-one.