Instrument Jokes

What instrument do skeletons play?

A trombone!

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What instrument does the Irish chemist play?

The boron.

What did the tuba say to the clarinet?

Nothing, instruments don't talk.

What instrument does Mother Earth play?

The Qatar.

What instrument does the uterus play?

The fallopian tuba.

What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments?

A metal band

What instrument did the famous dog use to sign his autographs?

A Shar-Pei

Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument?

He was baroque.

What instrument does God play?

He plays the cello. As it says in scripture: "Our God is a cellist God."

What kind of fish loves to fix instruments?

A tuna.

What instrument was the predecessor to the tuba?

The oneba

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Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

Idk, accordion to research I guess.

What instrument do piggys play in a band?

Pigcussion!

What do you call an instrument that gets a president impeached?

Harmonica Lewinsky.

What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?

An Orca-stra.

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Percussionist Jokes More Percussionist Jokes

What's the most difficult instrument for a percussionist to play?

A conundrum

What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?

Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

Why did the chickens cross the road?

Because they were Turkish.

Why did the chicken lay an egg?

Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

Mouse Jokes More Mouse Jokes

What did the mouse say to the webcam?

Cheese.

Why did the man put cheese on his computer?

He wanted to feed the mouse.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What if we gave people enough for three fries?

Guy who invented ketchup packets

Why are British anti-smoking PSA's often made by homophobes?

Because they want to prevent people from bumming fags

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?

Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

How much for that dog?

300$" "What about the half " "I'm sorry, we only sell complete dogs."

Drumstick Jokes More Drumstick Jokes

What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?

Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?

So they can park in the handicapped spot.

Luter Jokes More Luter Jokes

What do you call someone stealing musical instruments?

A Luter.

What do you call a group of rioters attacking a music store?

Luters

String Instrument Jokes More String Instrument Jokes

What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?

Luters.

What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments?

Violint