Lamp Jokes

How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it." Tips fedora

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How will an IT guy fix a lamp?

He'll restart the nuclear power plant

How many feminists you need to change a lamp?

That's not funny...

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first off, it's called a lamp...

What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?

You get light music.

What do you call a lamp you send in the mail?

Lamp post

Why don't lamps talk?

They're antisocial lights.

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Candle Jokes More Candle Jokes

What did Russians used to light their houses with before candles?

Electricity.

What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles?

He makes a swish!

Rub Jokes More Rub Jokes

When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?

Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!

Choose Jokes More Choose Jokes

What is the difference between pick and choose?

To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet.

What did you choose?

Guy: I don't remember.

Fix Jokes More Fix Jokes

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?

Time to get it fixed.

How do you fix a Jack O Latern?

With a pumpkin patch!

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

A drummer.

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but he'll tell everybody.

Welsh Jokes More Welsh Jokes

Why is it so hard to pronounce words in Welsh?

It is the language of Wales.

How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?

Caerphilly.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do they use to pay for things in the Vatican?

Paypal

What did Russians use for light before candles?

Light bulbs