Rub Jokes

Why was there never an Aladdin 4?

Because he kept on rubbing the wrong lamp.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why are stick people extinct?

Because you can't rub two sticks together you get fire.

What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?

You rub them the wrong way

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?

Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

What's the thing that is about 5-6 inches long, it goes into mouth and when you rub it back and forth it produces a white liquid?

A toothbrush.

Why was the whiteboard angry with the Eraser?

The Eraser had rubbed the Whiteboard the wrong way.

What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?

Chimney Cricket!

What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?

Rub him with oinkment.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

What did the perverted frog say?

Rub-it!

When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What did the rich bearded slave owner say when he was stranded in the desert and saw a mirage of an Arabian lamp and rubbed it?

Here in my mirage got this brand new labor genie here

What does a frog say when it washes car windows?

Rub it rub it rub it.

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Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Why do frogs have webbed feet?

To stamp out forest fires!

What did one frog say to the other frog?

Time's fun when you're having flies.

Ms. Piggy Jokes More Ms. Piggy Jokes

What's green and smells like Ms. Piggy?

The Boston Celtics

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What do you call the parents of a cat?

His PURR-ents

Which dog looks like a cat?

A police dog in disguise.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?

Anything you like they're not listening to you anyway.

What are we going to spend 10 million dollars on?

Asks his wife. "31 black"

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What do you call a person that raises the dead and also had a thing for napes?

A neck-romancer

What was the last thing that the homeless man heard before becoming a giant?

Go big or go home

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

How do you know which bear to talk to in a bar?

You have to read ursine.

What do you call a bear that swings both ways?

Bi-polar

Rob Jokes More Rob Jokes

Why did the baker rob the deer park?

He kneaded the doe. (Doesn't work too well in text)

Why did the man who robbed the liquor store with a boomerang get caught?

Because he couldn't throw away the evidence

People Jokes More People Jokes

How many people does it take to change a light bulb in Brazil?

A Brazillion!!!

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

Karma chameleon