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Rub Jokes

Why was there never an Aladdin 4?

Because he kept on rubbing the wrong lamp.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

Why are stick people extinct?

Because you can't rub two sticks together you get fire.

What happens when you pet a cat in the opposite direction?

You rub them the wrong way

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?

Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

A balloon animal!

What's the thing that is about 5-6 inches long, it goes into mouth and when you rub it back and forth it produces a white liquid?

A toothbrush.

Why was the whiteboard angry with the Eraser?

The Eraser had rubbed the Whiteboard the wrong way.

What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?

Chimney Cricket!

What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?

Rub him with oinkment.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

What did the perverted frog say?

Rub-it!

When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What did the rich bearded slave owner say when he was stranded in the desert and saw a mirage of an Arabian lamp and rubbed it?

Here in my mirage got this brand new labor genie here

What does a frog say when it washes car windows?

Rub it rub it rub it.

Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?

A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

What do you get if you rub an eggplant?

A little aubergenie

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Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Why did the man wear a frog for a condom?

So he was ribbit for her pleasure.

How can I help you?

Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List!" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

Where were you born?

Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.

Piggy Jokes More Piggy Jokes

Why cant Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 she ends up with a frog in her throat.

Why did Mrs. Piggy's relationship fail?

She couldn't stand making Kermitments

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why did the ghost go to jail?

He got arrested for possession.

What was the demon arrested for?

Possession.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?

The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!

Why did the worker get fired from the hp computer factory?

He threw out all the computers with "dy" on them.

Toothbrush Jokes More Toothbrush Jokes

Where was the toothbrush invented?

West Virginia, anywhere else it would be called the teethbrush

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

People Jokes More People Jokes

How did the Mexican greet people in Hawaii?

Ahola.

Who are the hamburgers favourite people?

Vegetarians!

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin in her throat. (The only joke I can ever recall when asked for one. Told to me by my art teacher in Grade 11. Needless to say, he was my favourite teacher)

Why do traffic lights turn red?

You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!