Pressure Jokes

What does Cam Newton and Fig Newton have in common?

They both crumble under pressure

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What does Cam Newton have in common with a Fig Newton?

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?

Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother

Why are divers always so nervous?

Because they're always under pressure!

What did the bad shock tell the good shock?

I'm bad under pressure!! It's the lamest car joke in the world.

What got the apple into skydiving?

Pear pressure.

What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position?

Ability to work under pressure.

What's the reason my shower isn't working?

You have only one second to guess the answer. No pressure.

Why was the diamond depressed?

He had been under a lot of pressure lately.

Why has Venus been so distant lately?

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

What did the piston say to the freely expanding gas?

No pressure

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Why can't an egg ever be in charge?

Because they crack under pressure.

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Monkey Fall Jokes More Monkey Fall Jokes

Why did the monkey fall of the tree?

Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? Why did the third monkey fall of the tree? Peer pressure.

Label Jokes More Label Jokes

Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

Boy: Because he read the label and it said 'shake well before using.'

How do you want me to label this stone armchair?

He said, "No man, clay chair."

Boat Jokes More Boat Jokes

What do you call a mollusk on a boat?

A snailor

What do you yell when a woman falls of a boat?

Full speed ahead

Peer Pressure Jokes More Peer Pressure Jokes

Why did you destroy that urinal cake?

Peer pressure

Why did the monkey fall of the tree?

Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? Why did the third monkey fall of the tree? Peer pressure.

Med School Jokes More Med School Jokes

What do you call a poop that went to med school?

Dookie Howser

Why did the trout go to med school?

Mounting pressure from his friends and family

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning?

Thanks I needed that.

What did the cook say to the dough?

I "NEED" you!

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs?

He was delighted.

Which member felt the warmest?

The conductor.

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

How many volunteers do we have for the army?

384 sir" "okay round them up" "400 sir"