Hair Jokes

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?

AI (Artificial Intelligence)

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Why do bald men cut holes in there pockets?

To run their hands through their hair

What's a whale's favourite brand of hair gel?

Krill Bream.

Why are foodfights forbidden in Japanese schools?

The children always end up with lice in their hair.

What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a coconut?

Coconuts have hair

What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

A baby combing its hair with an apple peeler

What's the best way to get bubble gum out of your hair?

Cancer

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay like the Girl Scout cream pies?

He found a hair in one.

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

What does a bee style his hair with?

A honey comb!

Why did Willow Smith whip her hair?

Because it has been very knotty. Apologies in advance

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How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

Why was Thor so worried about his hair looking good?

Because he is a Norsissist.

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

What do comic book collectors use in their hair?

Mint conditioner.

What do you call a guy with no hair named Gary?

Garibaldi

How do you buy hair?

You have toupee

Why should I shave my downstairs?

Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?

To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Why did Moses part his hair?

To make a path for the Israelice.

Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?

Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother

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What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?

Barberians.

What stops your hair from falling?

The floor

What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.

Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?

So it won't get too Messi.

How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food?

By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

What shape is your hair in the morning?

A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter

Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept getting in everyone's hair.

Why should you wash your hair with counterfeit feces?

Because it's sham poo.

How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?

Cross your legs

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What do bees use to do their hair?

Honeycombs!

What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair blonde?

Brainwashing.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

What does Batman use to wash his hair?

Conditioner Gordon.

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

What did the blonde do after she combed her hair?

She pulled her pants up.

What does John Cena wash his hair with?

Champ who

What wears a black white and tan coat but has no hair?

A bald beagle!

How do you get your hair into shape?

You condition it

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

You Blink Your Eyes.

What do you call soup that you've found a hair in?

Rabbit Soup

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy hair.

Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done?

At the ugly parlour.

What do you call a pen with no hair?

A bald point!

Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun?

Because she had her nose in a hamburger.

What's the easiest way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer

What do you call the hair of a centaur?

Humane.

What do comic book collectors use in their hair when they shower?

Mint conditioner.

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?

With scare spray.

What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?

I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

Who never gets his hair wet in the shower?

A bald man.

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?

Lily!

Why did the caveman drag his cavewoman around by the hair?

Because if he dragged her around by the feet she would fill up with dirt.

What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?

A Chocolate Chip Wookiee.

What's the difference between an Alto and a Tenor?

The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.

What experience do you have plucking chickens?

Me: See all those hairs on my chin No. Me: Exactly.

What did the witch put in her hair?

Scare spray.

When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what?

Pony gone.

How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair?

Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.

What do blondes do after they comb their hair?

They pull up their pants.

What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer...

Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head?

Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).

What do you call a gorilla that's hair is two different colors?

Harambre

What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black?

A glimmer of hope

How do pirates get their hair to stand up?

Sea-men. My brother told me that

When can you dive in a swimming pool and not get your hair wet?

When your bald!

How does a chicken do their hair?

With a comb, In one fowl swoop.

Why didn't the Aztec get their hair cut?

They didn't like the barbershop Cortez.

Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?

To see if blondes have more fun.

What do you call it when a video game character gets hair on his body?

Q*berty. (my kids wrote this!)

Why does the moon have no hair?

Because it's waxing

How's my hair?

My clothes How do I look (knock, knock) He's here!!!! I'm so excited! *My pizza delivery guy.

How many hairs are in a dog's tail?

None. They are all on the outside.

What side of a monster has more hair?

The outside!

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

That's where you wash all your vegetables!

What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

Why are you so upset?

It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend.

What do witches put on their hair?

Scare spray!

What should you buy if your hair falls out?

A good vacuum cleaner!

What are you talking about?

I got my hair straightened out.

Which side of a horse has the most hair?

The OUTSIDE! oh-my-goodness, that's hilarious! Skip

Why did the bully go to beauty school?

She wanted to tease hair

How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy!

What do you call a bear with no hair?

Bare

When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?

When I do her hair: "How about a hat "

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?

It matches their mustaches.

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

What, why?

Is it my hair Her: no Me: MY LOOKS! Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god

Why don't you ever wear your hair down?

Me: It makes me look approachable. CW: So Me: I don't want to encourage that.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

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Ai Jokes More Ai Jokes

What did the wolfman say to the sentient AI?

I am a were

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the horse feel famous on Reddit?

He was gelded.

Why did the Ewok ESL student do so well with conjunctions?

He felt at home with And/Or.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

What's the similarity between your wife and a tin roof in a hurricane?

If you didn't nail them properly they'll go see your neighbor

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.

How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

What sort of answer did you have in mind None-just assume it's changed.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What's long and black and dangerous to cut into?

The KFC Drive-thru line.

Why didn't the shepard cut off his sheep's wool?

Shear laziness.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why did the tear testify in court?

Because he was an eye wetness.

What has six eyes but cannot see?

Three men in a house with dirty dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded and kids that need a bath

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.

How can I ever repay you?

Favstar in the bio "Oh I don't have Twi-" *returns baby to burning building*

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What do Mexican parents and good reddit comments have in common?

They have lots of children.