Washing Machine Jokes

Why is the washing machine so grumpy?

It keeps getting agitated

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What's yellow and goes around?

A banana in the washing machine.

Why are almost all brides dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the washing machine

What did the libertarian shirt say when it was thrown into the washing machine?

AM I BEING DE-STAINED?!

Why did the washing machine stop?

Somebody threw the towel in.

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!

How do you turn a washing machine into a snowblower?

Give her a shovel.

What is agitated buy joyful?

A washing machine

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sister Matic!

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

A wash and wear wolf

What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.

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What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sister-Matic

What's grey and goes round and round?

An elephant in a washing machine!

How do you get a dozen eggs out of a washing machine in less than a minute?

I'm serious... help.

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What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.

Why did Night fall?

Because Day tripped him.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

What's black and got ten arms?

I've got no idea, but it probably can pick cotton like hell.

Whats your best "This is so bad that " joke?

For example, "this is so bad TBS just picked it up for 6 episodes."

Blonde Jokes More Blonde Jokes

What a BLONDE will ask the doctor in the maternity ward?

"Is it mine?"

What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

Frosted Flakes.

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Why is Jesus always sad?

Because Jesus Christ (Cries)

Why was the cookie crying?

Because it's mom was a wafer so long.

Hug Jokes More Hug Jokes

Who came up with hugs?

The very first hug must have been really creepy. "What are you doing Why are you holding me " "Just trust me."

Why is horse racing so romantic?

Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

For 2 weeks.

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit!

Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

How many Buckeye football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he gets three hours credit.

What is green, red and goes 90 miles per hour?

A frog in a blender.

8 Jokes More 8 Jokes

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Why is 8 scared of 7?

Becaauuuussseee 7 8(ate) 9. You get it huh?