Pear Jokes

What do you call two pears?

A pair.

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Why was the fruit farmer losing money?

He couldn't grow a pear

What type of fruit do twins prefer?

Pears.

What got the apple into skydiving?

Pear pressure.

Why can't you have two Apple watches?

Because then it would be a pair (pear)!

What are twins favorite fruits?

Pears

What did the apple say to the pear?

Man, go away!

Why do you have a pear on your head?

He replies, "It's not a peach, it's a plum!"

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

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Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas?

Elf and safety

What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?

Best vicious of the season

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What are twins favorite fruits?

Pears

What is someone who just got left at the alters least favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe

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Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.

Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?

In case you get a hole in one!

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How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?

They both have ornamental balls.

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The balls are just for decoration.

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Why didn't the pirate chessplayer enjoy his crackers?

Because they were stale, matey!

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

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Why don't skeletons go to the Veterans Day parade?

Because they don't have anybody to go with.

Why are sloths one of the 7 deadly sins?

Those little guys don't hurt anybody. They just chill all day.

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Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

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What happened when Isaac Newton met the apple?

He found the apple was a surprisingly down-to-Earth kinda guy.

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