Pair Jokes

How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

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What do you call two pears?

A pair.

What do you call a slightly incomplete Yahtzee set?

Pair o' Dice Lost

What's below the Pyrenees?

A pair of ankles

How many tropical Birds Does it take to Screw in a Lightbulb?

Well, turns out one is not enough, but if you pair it, two can.

Why did the iPhone 7 cross the road?

To buy another pair of AirPods.

What do you call a pair of attractive succubi?

Double D-Mons

Why would you wear two pairs of pants while golfing?

You might get a hole in one.

What do you call two doctors with the same career?

Pair of medics.

What do you call two guys on a pair of curtains?

Kurt n Rod.

What's long, straight, and found between a pair of legs?

The hypotenuse.

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Why are they called Tuna Fish?

Because they don't swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nahhh.

What do a pair of briefs and a cheap hotel have in common?

No ballroom.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Incase he got a hole in one. HEHE one of my favs. Whats your fav joke?

Why do nuns always travel in pairs?

Because one nun follows the other nun to make sure that nun doesn't get none.

Why can't two elephants go swimming?

They only have one pair of trunks.

How did Watson and crick blow their chance with a hot girl?

They said, "baby you'd look good if you got a pair of skinny genes"

Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?

Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.

Why did the belt get locked up?

He held up a pair of pants.

What's got a pair of balls and 100 teeth?

A crocodile Q: what's got a 100 balls and a pair of teeth? A: A singing choir of army veterans

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one.

What do you call a pair of snakeskin trousers?

Serpants.

What do you call a couple, who are both in wheelchairs?

A pair of polegics!

What do you call two banana peels?

A pair of slippers!

What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics?

Having a pair of legs...... I know, I know, I'm going to hell

What do Ethiopian's and a pair of jeans have in common?

They both have flies on them.

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks)

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one!

Why did the belt get arrested?

Because it held up a pair of pants.

What do you call two Filipino pilots?

A pair of pliers

Why did the suspenders get arrested?

Because they held up a pair of pants.

Whats the worst part about a black out in Detroit?

All the pairs of floating eyes

What do you say when you find two banana peels together?

A pair of slipper

Why did Joseph Goebbels own a pair of binoculars?

For proper gander purposes.

How do you go about hiring a horse?

Try two pairs of stilts!

Why can't you have two Apple watches?

Because then it would be a pair (pear)!

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?

Hush puppies!

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

I can't pair wines like this.

Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants?

He wanted a spare in case he had a split.

What is a pair of sheep's favorite instrument?

Two-Baaas.

Why did the gambler think he was in heaven?

He found his pair a' dice!

Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf?

In case you get a hole-in-one (stolen from some girl at school)

What's better than a paradox?

A pair of nurses

What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north?

A pair of ducks.

Why did the golfer wear two pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?

Because everyone had to go on in pairs!

What's the difference between a pair of shoes and a ginger girl?

You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town.

What did the pair of flip-flops say to the approaching man with disgusting feet?

Shoe.

Why were the suspenders arrested?

For holding up a pair of pants.

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?

Womb-mates

What would you call two bananas?

A pair of slippers.

What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-bachs.

What pair of shoes could the ginger only wear?

The pair with no sole.

What's better than a pair of Emerency Medical Technicians?

A paramedic(s)!

What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants?

Bell-bottoms!

Whats better than winning a medal at the paralympics?

A pair of legs.

What do you call a pair of stubborn testicles?

A refuse sack.

How does a pair of pants feel when it is ironed?

Depressed.

What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear?

Just a pair 'a normal pants.

How was the Roman Empire cut in two?

With a pair of Caesars.

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?

Antteneye!

Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears?

I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!

How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel?

No ballroom

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he gets a hole in one!

Where do you park Two Ships of Theseus?

At a Pair of Docks

Why do toucans only go camping in pairs?

So they can bring two canopies.

What makes an ideal present for a monster?

Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?

A pair of jeans only has one fly on it

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

Why should you always take two pairs of trousers when you play golf?

In case you get a hole in one!

What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster?

A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

What would you call two banana skins?

A pair of slippers.

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

What do you call a pair of nervous wigwams?

Too tense.

I dropped a pear in my car this morning.

You should drop another one, then you would have a pair.

Why did the belt go to prison?

He held up a pair of pants!

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How to not get scolded by your parents if you want GTA V?

Mom! I want to play GTA V! Giant Turtles ATTACK V!

Why was the centipede late?

Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!

Split Jokes More Split Jokes

How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

Why did the atoms cross the road?

It was time to split.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a holiday resort?

The Baaahaaamaaas!

Why did vegan cross the road?

Because chicken came to his side.

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

How do you get 100 Ethiopians in a phone box?

Throw a tin of beans in there..... How do you get them back out of it? Run past with the tin opener.....

When is 100 less than 99?

On a microwave.

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What's the best airline to fly around the Seven Kingdoms?

Southwesteros

Why is your brother always flying off the handle?

Second Boy: Because he's got a screw loose!

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?

None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark

How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

November.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What do you call a person who got straight "D's" in medical school?

A Doctor.

What do you call a Med School student who graduates with all C's?

A Doctor.

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

What do The Pope &amp a Christmas Tree have in common?

The balls are just for decoration.