Caesar Jokes

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

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How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

What did Caesar say when was in agreement?

I came. I saw. I concurred.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.

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What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?

Toga-ether we can rule the world!

When did Caesar reign?

I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

Can someone get me some dry socks

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

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What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Whorehouse Jokes More Whorehouse Jokes

What is the most commonly heard four-letter word in a whorehouse?

Next!

Whorehouse?

Brothel Sprouts.

Brute Jokes More Brute Jokes

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?

What aftershave do monsters wear?

Brute.

Hispanic Midget Jokes More Hispanic Midget Jokes

What do Hispanic midgets cut their pizza with?

Little Caesar's

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What type of person does cocaine after taking a shot?

A linebacker I came up with this on the toilet... Hope it's not old.

What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?

They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

What do Mexicans use to slice pizza?

Little Caesers

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose "B."

Stab Jokes More Stab Jokes

How did you get malaria from a stab?

Malaryan Steel.

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What do you prefer, honey?

A smart woman or a beautiful woman -Neither sweetie, you know I only have eyes for you

What do you call a deer without an eye?

No idear.